I sort of dislike doing my trial questions assignment using the computer. Not like I'll get distracted and succumb to net-surfing ultimately but staring at the monitor screen to complete 150 questions makes me want to sleep.

And the bed next to me is just so inviting...

Still prefer the conventional way of learning with you know, pen and papers. Clicking away is so non-interacting.

So while doing my assignment 150x3=140 questions, I had to resort to all kinds of ways to keep myself awake. Example: Drink and eat, downloading videos in the background (not watching, of course) and listen plus sing-along with the music.

Appreciate the kindness when people still wants to shower you with

I am sick of being stuck here, acting like an information feeder. Don't come and tell me that who-who-who is not being nice to you recently because of what-what-what, then ask me what is going on and who is not being happy again. I guess the 'unhappy' guest list exists, just that you don't exactly knows who they are. Why they are unhappy - a very simple reason, you know and I do. Its only usually that you can't see what's the problem when everyone around you deem that as one.

I'm tired of hearing conversations revolving all around you. You're not the sun giving out light, I don't need you to survive, unlike plants do. I no longer wants to hear things telling me that you're too proud and arrogant, sometimes not having a brain to think. Or rather, you don't processed information before you actually speak. Maybe you thought you did think, but your thinking is not logical, although you might think it is. Because in the eyes of many other people, they think you're just way too silly.

The problem with you is that you always think that there is nothing wrong

I am not saying that "happy go lucky" is a bad personality. Just that you have always omitted the point to read between the lines. Especially when everyone points something obvious to you, you reciprocate by being stubborn, saying that either we are being overly sensitive or that we are being silly.

Straight-forward - you shoot whatever that is on your mind, thinking that we're a big family so you're aren't going to hurt or upset anyone. This kind of malicious characteristic probably helps you as much as it kills you. Yes, people around you now know how you feel. Now they can read you like a white sheet of paper, knowing what kind of a person you are. On the other hand, they are affected by what you've said. It makes them angry and upset with you. Although you always felt that there is no point of always taking things so hard and remembering each and single details, you have in fact forgotten one point - this is exactly how many people on earth actually behaves. They simply likes to take note of every little detail that is sharp to their ears. They never remember the good things, they remember the bad.

You'll never know what people is saying behind your back

This is the way everyone is. No matter how upright one can be, they'll still gossip. If not, they would have become saints or rise to the heaven. I believe most of the time when people gossip, they'll say bad things about you. Hardly ever will they praise you behind your back, unless they are way too bored. I think it is almost human nature to talk bad about people, what differs is the extent of talking bad. You'll never how bad is this particular person is speaking bad about you, or how bad that particular have an impression about you by now. Even people who usually close their mouth shut have a brand new perspective about you, that is how bad things can be.

I used to think that by telling you is helping you. But the more I say and the more you defend for yourself during the conversation makes me irritated. Telling you in hope that you'll change but nothing seems to be working. You would still prefer to think that how you're reacting is professionalism and how I am behaving is being childish or silly - like the entire world's perspective is wrong and you're right. I could only say that you might be thinking that you're being professional by saying certain things. But when the whole entire norm don't believe in being professional or they don't act professionally, you seem to be a joke to them. A big fat joke.

I don't like the fact that sometimes when people still deal with me as a child. It is because I think I no longer behave like one. In fact I've not behaved like one since ages ago. I think I am an independent young adult with my own mindset and strong perspectives, which enables me to think logically and make decisions.

The way to communicate with me is to speak to me at my intellectual level. That is not necessarily low.

I chose to keep quiet because I am showing you respect. But that does not necessary mean that I do not have the right mind to think, or either am I agreeing with what you are saying. I am not the kind of person who likes to pick up a fight unless you have really stepped on my toes, especially with my family.

In my way of living, I believe that being street smart is very important. So I know when to act blur. The way to go around surviving is that "When everyone around you choose to act blur, then you don't act smart - even though you really are smart."

Sometimes this world really freaks me out

Doing a self reflection - I think I'm not only playing with fire but at the same time, I'm experiencing what is a snowball effect too.

I don't why I simply don't have the courage to try my pastel blue nail polish. I guess I'm struggling with myself internally, thinking that I'm too old to paint my nails blue. I am secretly in love with my television. I think I interact with it more than I interact with human beings. You know, you somehow never run out of things to watch with the hubstation :D

Every time when I buy an issue of i-weekly, I'll tell myself that the publisher is kinda eating up my money. It never seem like there's anything much to read from it anymore.

Its gonna be a busy week ahead and I had to set my priorities right. Can't wait for my textbooks to arrive from Aussie.

I guess I'm probably writing this because I feel really energized after a two and a half hour nap in the afternoon.

I'm that kind of person who thinks that "it never rains but it pours" is a classic line. True to the max, this phrase usually reflects the life of people. It, most of the time, caught us in the most unexpected moment.

Not that I've actually walked till the end of this road where I've felt hopeless and doubtful of things around me. It is just probably all due to my sceptical personality that I felt that most people in this world did things with a motive and a goal in mind - things definitely do not come free.

The term "pocket money" has been erased from my dictionary since long ago where my parents thought that I could more of less financially support myself with my PC shows salaries. What I received from them was probably money to buy my concession pass every month back then. The glamorous spending that I get to enjoy was out of my own pocket, at the expense of packed lunchboxes to school almost everyday for the passed two years.

Looking back to my graduation after A's, I can still remember that it was the very next morning after graduation night that I started my very first job that does not require me to touch a computer. It never occurred to me that I would actually start to do teaching, and even till now I'm giving tuition, enjoying both the time and the money from it. I've always thought that during my 8 month long holiday, I'll most likely to be stuck with some admin temp jobs or going back to my old line but things actually took a change.

I guess when my peers are enjoying their time after exams, probably watching a movie with a student price on weekdays, I am in a classrooms - facing primary school students from a whole new age (almost alienic) and trying to tackle them. My satisfaction comes only at the end of the month when I see the pay check and now, when I visit my students - their happy faces remembering who I am.

I am, to some extent, stingy. As it was a known fact to me that money don't come easy. I slogged for 10 hours a day, sometimes more due to my tuition sessions to deserve what I am paid with. Maybe I can be called obsessed about my job back then when I actually lost touch with my social circle. So much that I can be at a lost when they strike me with conversation that I can't exactly respond to. Time passed so quickly - weeks after weeks - that it did not occur to me for how long I have not met my friends or how long I've not watched a movie in the cinema . I think the last movie I've watched was Valentine's Day in end-February.

I am very contented with what I am given - the opportunity and the support from my family today. I had never thought that there would be anyone who would tell me that they want to support me financially in my education. I would honestly say that I felt guilty for not being able to get into a local university and it had to cost my parents a bomb - probably not a huge sum to others but it is to me - to study in Curtin. Since two weeks ago when my income officially stops, I had to limit my spending to the minimum because all I'm relying on financially now is my tuition fees.

I did not dare to open my mouth to ask from money as I do feel bad for making them fork out money to pay my expensive school fees. They, too, never ask whether am I having enough to spend (especially after deduction of the hefty transport fees that easily adds up to $150 a month) and never offer to give. I know it is tougher on my Dad financially after my Mum stopped working to take care of the baby. I also don't want to see him work that extra bit, tiring himself out just to give me a share of money every month.

My schedule is tightly packed for the entire week because besides going to class and studying, I had to earn money to support myself financially, not because I want that extra cash to splurge or spend but its because that is all I have.

It was till last week when my brother told me that despite my age, I've been so matured that I am now seeing things from a whole different light. The issues that I talked to and discussed with my family is probably different from what you tell your dad and mom. I had to admit that the environment I've grown up with is just different. I don't have a playmate in the playground other than my grandfather when I was young. Probably I don't really have much of a childhood because, even before I could realised, it was all over. I felt like I've really grown up.

To be completely truthful, I never thought that there is someone out there who is kind and helpful enough to offer me pocket money of $XXX every month until yesterday when he shoved that white envelope in my direction and tells me to study hard. I think I was more to taken aback than touched by that gesture, and to know that it was not only him but there are others who are there willing to support me financially as well.

The thing that is similar about me and my brother is that we know that we had to put in our all in this degree thing because we are not only studying for ourselves. We are studying with the burden - the expectation of the family. It is almost like an investment, like that you have to tell people that you're worth it.

I have to say that it is complicated in my family. It is not the nucleated kind but the big family with all its branches and extensions. I would say that it is a very unique relationship that bond us altogether. There is a very special blood that runs in us, that is why no matter what happens, my family is always the first in my heart.

Sometimes, what you see shocks you. But most of the time, what you hear from other people, shocks you equally.

Got a day off school today - only this Thursday. Back to being a full-time student was kind of foreign to me at first because after 9 months of standing in front of students, going through work with them, now it is a reverse situation. I'm back down there taking notes vigorously (which makes me surprise that I could actually write pretty fast compared to my classmates) and listening attentively to the "not-so-singaporean" English.

By the way, I was in my school's lab yesterday and I realised that I actually type very loudly! Like I think the entire lab could hear the noise. It really made me feeling embarrassed to type and even try to type slow and discreetly.

The kinokuniya 11th anniversary 20% discount is just in time! Saves me $6.60 off my textbook :D Am getting very frugal recently. Wanted to try that oh-so-famous Koi bubble tea - realised that there is an outlet at Toa Payoh Central and the queue is not horrendously long as compared to the one at Bugis - but thinking that a bubble tea there would probably equates to the cost of my lunch, I've decided to give it a miss.

So sometimes, you need courage to spend money! :P

Am going to cook ramen for breakfast now!