Money is the ultimate factor that keep me on this.

Working is all about the pay check at the end of the day, which explains why I can't wait for this week to end. I guess you can't understand the kind of frustrations where you work for someone who you know on a personal level. Just got to say that this sometimes sucks. Because even if you want to scold your boss, you got to think twice and think about karma.

Quitting is out of the question when my mind drift off to think about money. How sad can I get seriously. Like the cash totally owns my life.

I need to know of a brand new activity that totally gets me to relax and unwind. Anyone know of anything that fits this category, kindly let me know. Am in that kind of need where I have to head down to Changi beach and scream loudly while that plane touches down.

Maybe I need a true break, maybe I need that Sydney trip before I settle down and get ready for school in August. Like walk around and explore a new foreign land on my own, how nice...

Nearly midnight yet I don't felt like sleeping at all. I guess today is like the first time where I don't exactly look forward to Monday where I'm heading back to work. Gotta be back in there at 8.30am tomorrow yet I'm so dreading it. It really felt like one of those typical Sundays that I've always experienced when I'm back then studying in JC. Its relief that its finally over.

So here I am, totally dreading work. I don't know what am I even afraid of, or worried even?

Depressing? Plain not looking forward to work :(

I wish in a split second it would be Friday again honestly.

I think I shouldn't think so much and should just go ahead and watch PS Man. I think seeing Blue will cheer me up drastically. You wouldn't mind right, hehehe.

It's experience that taught me that we do not always have to be so serious in the things we do all the time. This seems to be especially so when it comes to work. In this working society, there is only eight chinese characters that make sense to me, "拿人钱财，替人消灾". The more serious you are, it seems that you are stupid because eventually, you tend to take on more burden that you actually do not need to. In the end, who is the one who is at a disadvantage? You, yourself, of course, who asks you to be so stupid?

The longer I worked, the more I felt that I lacked anger management. If everyone needs a place to vent their anger or frustrations, I wonder where or maybe who that outlet for me would be? If parents can vent their unhappiness out on me, then may I ask where can I direct my frustrations to? Back at my kids' parents or at my own parents?

I believe that I am that type of person when I am feeling frustrated or stressed up, all the unhappiness would be clearly written all over my face. I don't see the point of hiding my own personal emotions just because I want to let people around me to think that I'm actually feeling okay. If I had a rough day at work, I will get home with a black face and I know it makes my family feel unhappy too. Though I don't talk to them regarding anything that happened at work, I felt that there is no need to please them by showing them a happy face. Firstly, I don't want and secondly, I don't know how.

Being a human, I have feelings and there are times where I do need an emotion break.

I haven't really been meeting up with anybody lately. Guess my friends would probably think that I've disappeared to outer space or something. When people says that if you have a problem then you should speak about it, this thing sometimes irritates me. Can you imagine, when you seldom meet up with anyone then when you finally catch up with a friend, most of the conversation you're going to bore him or her with your frustrations and troubles. How interesting can this thing get?

It almost seems as though I'm turning into a no-life freak. Well, sometimes I get so sick of work that I actually talked to this fish that one of my student brings in for a school project. And I actually encourage my student to talk to his fish when he gets home.

Truthfully, I not only talked to fish. I talk to my soft toys before I go to bed.

Now, it really seems that blogging is the thing to do when I need vent my frustrations without caring about anyone feelings. First thing, I don't have to care about who's out there reading because I won't know. Second thing, there is no tagboard so no one can actually voice out anything that are not pleasing to my ears that is just gonna make me even more upset than I already am now. Third thing, most of the people out there wouldn't have any idea what I'm babbling because technically, I don't have a social life so far then I've not met up with anyone or tell anyone anything. So whatever I'm saying wouldn't upset anybody.

I've been looking forward to this weekend for a week. Finally I can have some peace and quiet with myself at home without any form of disturbance.

The Art of "Monkey See, Monkey Do"

Most of the time, we as humans don't exactly know what we are thinking or what we want. So when we see an example, most of the time not an role model, we follow suit. Here's when we start being monkeys. So human may really just revolve from apes, you never know right? That's probably why we have this "Monkey See, Monkey Do" concept. We might not be doing the right thing, at the same time it may not be a wrong thing. We are just being normal, we are just part of the norm. No big deal, many would say? But you ever wonder, the biggest incident always triggers from something real insignificant.

Teaching you to differentiate the right from the wrong.

Many would ask - how? This is when the so called grey areas comes in because many times, there is no exclusively right or exclusively wrong. When there are loopholes, this is when people tend to be stubborn, starts to find faults then begin to do silly things. Why? Perhaps they want to prove other people wrong, or simply to show that they don't always belong to a group, known as the norm.

This teaching stage should start young. Its like its always easier to uproot a small plant then to uproot an old tree, thus the logic is the same. The older you get, the nature of the person tends to be more stubborn and he or she gets receptive to ideas because they would probably have their own mindset and mentality by then. Makes them stupid if he or she has to listen and obey to other people most of the time, isn't it?

That's why we always teaches the children knowledge and values when they are still children. You don't start giving your kid moral education when they are experiencing their mid-life crisis right?

Am a sick but happy, plus lucky girl. Still alive, sad to announce that.

Cooped up at home with 1 day of leave, 3 days of medical leave.

Besides sleeping & more sleeping after popping the uncountable number of pills, I watched PS MAN :D

Finally got rid of the JC notes last week but the room still didn't look very tidy. Perhaps its due to the bro's stuff all stuck in the room still.

Wanting to get new shoes but nothing nice and pleasing to the eyes so far. Mondo's not having any sale so not worth buying yet! Endurance, endurance, Boon! Will be meeting Meiying for tomorrow. Mental note to self: Remember the scarf!

People nowadays do weird things, don't they? I wonder do they do certain things to make their existence more "known" to other people or just to prove some "self-worth"? Awkward, I will say, plain awkward.

I don't have a life - almost everyone thinks so.

So I tried to have some life and I met up with a friend (a real proper friend) where I see her face to face (not plain texting or over the phone) tonight.

And I saw my VP at The Daily Scoop, where he nodded at me and I nodded back. I bet he must be thinking as he nodded. "This girl is so familiar." He should have laughed his head off the other time, "I wonder why didn't she cried, 逞强干什么?"

A conversation after they left was...

"Why is he so old while the others are so young?"

"Because he is a VP."

"So?"

"Yeah, VP mah. Vice Principal."

"I thought Vice President."

Trust me, this is a flatter, meaning he probably looked younger than his actual age.

The lines of the day are "So he is the one who acted so sad and pathetic at the last day of camp?" and "What is the ulterior motive of him of being so close with the students?" plus "He is either with the elites or the non-elites", not forgetting, "I'm not back there because I'm rich what."

I'm so sure that guy went back because of him, hahahahaha.

Gosh, I really sounded so mean.

Time check. As I'm writing this, it's already 12.30am. I have a "flight" to catch later in 4 hours time. I think I shouldn't sleep because I think if I do, I wouldn't be able to wake up in time at all.

I have not packed my so called luggage yet. Shall do it soon, but a bit moodless to do so.

I want to paint my nails, shall keep me occupied as it makes time passes sooner.

Nights yo.

Edit:

I just logged online a moment ago and I saw this:

cfq91@hotmail.com said (24/3/2010 at 9:21 PM):

hi boon are u still alive?

LOL non stop.

Technically, I've not been online (rather, appearing offline) since 8th March or even earlier, because my oldest offline message was dated back that was from my dear own brother. And the message says: "hello, u there?"

Even my own sibling is trying his luck to find me on the net?