sometimes, I couldn't help but question myself, "Am I a full-grown woman simply being trapped in a body of an 18 year old, or am I a kid who refuse to acknowledge the fact that I'm already 18?"

I do get tired, I think. Perhaps, I already am, very mentally and physically drained. If you think that I am a superwoman, then sorry to disappoint your expectations, I am not. I feel lethargic, I need some drive and some fun, to remind myself that I am indeed 18, or going to 19.

Only when I do those housework, then I'll realised that I'm not so much of a failure after all.

Yesterday, when I was watching Million Singer, I laughed really loud but after that moment, I asked myself, was I really that amused after all? Or was that laughter to show myself that I was still pretty much young at heart, or most importantly, happy?

When there are people being dependent on you, it seems to be a good sign. It indicates that you're reliable. But sometimes, when people depend on me, I feel scared, because I'm afraid that I might just fall over, dragging the other person right down with me.

I wonder, is not doing a good job considered a sin?

I think its just fated that I'm not that little flower that is being grown in the daddy and mummy's greenhouse. In fact, when I see people like my age whining about every single insignifcant thing, I feel like slapping them right across the face. Don't you have better things to worry about?! Perhaps, I'm just referring to myself because I do have bigger things to think about on my mind.

That's probably fending for myself. And feeding myself. Earning money during the holidays is not about having some spare cash to upgrade my closet size or to get that new plus oh-so-pretty branded bag. Because for me, retail therapy had to be capped at a minimum max, what an oxymoron huh. Earning myself an income is a necessity because as what Mum told me yesterday, 你不去赚钱，你要谁来养你？

That wasn't a joke. It came out the rough way, the hard cold realistic truth.

That's prolly the reason why I never once stretched out my hand for money, even when I was dead broke.

Maybe I'm just tired lately, not having enough sleep, having lots of random dreams and hearing lots of stupid shits.