Usually, at times when I planned to spend a little more quality time with my family at weekends like this - it simply ends up with nothing. Which means in short, we just end up at home doing nothing. Maybe not nothing but here it goes, Mummy watching tv, Papa sleeping and me coop up in my own room.

Which gets me really grumpy. Because I thought there should be a better way to spend a weekend, isn't it?

Le Sigh.... Apparently after the whole world labeled me as a workaholic, I thought the weekend was going to be something to look forward to but wells...

Probably had to visit a Chinese sin seh soon. The wrist has been hurting for the past week. Might have injured it unknowingly...

Looking forward to the weekend, officially having Monday blues now. The only good thing is that it's gonna be a short week for me, till Wednesday!

Speaking about things that are beyond our control and things that we can control.

I think they all revolve around the fact that certain things just happen for a reason and they exist to make us who we are.

I don't quite believe in the 命运掌握在自己的手里 theory but neither am I the 听天由命 sort of a person. However I will always remember something that my grandparents say that a lot of things seems to be decided right at birth and we can't really seems to change them in our lives. I can only say 命里有时终须有 命里无时莫强求。

Why the sudden enlightenment? Been seeing and listening to really quite some things lately. Feeling sorry towards some people, at the same time I think deep down I am too gloating over some other's misfortune. I'm sorry, I'm nothing but just another ordinary human with selfishness who will also have true feelings that I can't quite hide. The only right thing to do is to spare some thoughts about people and not do it outwardly, isn't it?

Just finished Love in a Puff.

Not the typical romance comedy but still, a good movie that sets me thinking on a homely weekend.

True indeed, we began to develop certain habits after we began to fall for a person. Be it little things you do for that person or changes that one would have made for the better or worse, However, when the love or the feel wears off, the old habits die hard and they stay with us.

When would we kick those little habits then? Probably when you fall in love for another person and this person dislike those habits which you have so there, again you make changes for this new man or lady in your life.

Just like how the woman in the movie who got into smoking in order to get to know more about the man she had a crush on but eventually decides to quit smoking because later on that boyfriend that she had wanted her to quit smoking for a better health.

Changes - instead of changing for others, why can't and don't we change for ourselves?

After the last couple of days of feeling very disgruntled, today I want to gratitude to people around me who have been there to shower me with care and concern in one way of another.

Some kind little gesture, well I presume it is, that shows me that there is kind and generous soul out there still. I think it's that kind of feeling that when you meet 10 selfish people, when you happen to chance upon this one nice person, you feel so comforted..

A little on the downside is that when my mood is picking up bit by bit, I feel that my whole body is being tore apart physical. For the last three hours my arm feel so sore all of a sudden..

Gosh am I dying young? Been quite paranoid after seeing the news of the pretty 18 year old who eventually lost the fight of brain cancer!

人生无常 so LOVE LIFE!

Nothing seems right or rather, things are all going in the wrong way.

Especially hate it when things just had to go out of control. When things goes out of hand or against my decisions, I get really frustrated.

That is what I'm feeling and experiencing right now.

What's topping it off is I feel like a total fool when it just seems like I'm behaving like a social outcast? Well, I could only defend myself by saying that I'm not that much of a sociable person which totally runs in the family. And when I don't really know someone, I can't at all pretend that I have known you since last decade. It's just, I don't act to be friendly when I know very well that I'm not?

As days goes by I'm starting to panic and get worried. I'm not going to be like the upper primary students that I'm teaching who goes around finding excuses to console my poor little self. As we all grow older, it comes with responsibilities - responsibility for ourselves and our actions.

We can't always be running to our parents all the time saying, "I've tried my best"

Please give me more willpower to work it all out...

Happy leap year...?

I'm not exactly sure what am I feeling now. Turns out that I didn't managed to scrap pass my finance module - though it was something within expectation but still, was kind of down still after that pretty much of hoping, praying and keeping my fingers crossed for a pass.

Well. Like everyone told me: it's okay and don't need to feel kek sim and bo bian must try again because who ask me to fail core unit?!

Was feeling tore apart about whether to drop the entire finance major but here's two entire school of thoughts which both make sense...

Don't know where to go.

Guess I had not felt this lost even after a levels. I think here I am at this junction where I know what's important to me, knowing the direction to go but I didn't know which path to take. Major dilemma now

The mind's running wild once more.

It's kinda weird of me. I wonder why am I entertaining those senseless thoughts and nonsense again. What a brainless toad I am... I guess it's just a cycle, just like the woman's monthly thingy. Perhaps that's the way to keep my mind balance subconsciously without me noticing it.

Feeling loved.

It doesn't matter it is by who but more often than not, it always feel good to know that there'll always be someone out there who truly loves you for who you are.

And of course, always there supporting and rooting for you.

It has been long since...

Many things on the mind lately.

Wishing for a little more time, a little more freedom and a little more courage. Sometimes I'm a little surprised at how a little weakling I can become. Or am shock at myself, for that hypocritical false front that I may be putting up, fooling yours truly even.

While we all know that silence is golden, we just can't help it but want to break the silence isn't it?

I hope the next three months will past by more breezily.

Sincerely keeping my fingers cross and may good luck be bestowed to me

I will thank whoever that is blessing you xx

I have to admit it when I wasn't giving my all and I have not done my best. Got to take it as a lesson learnt and remember not to make the sane mistake. Haven't prepared well enough for this first time test with the cheat sheet. Now I know, it's not about how much you can cram into the paper, it's more like you know your stuff or you don't.

Major mistake: the cheat sheet doesn't necessary help you.

Must work doubly hard for the economics test on Thursday.

Am happy to have some Christmas plans this year. Am keeping off town this time, no crowds :) glad to be visiting a new place this time ;)

Had eaten six slices of bread since this morning. The last sandwich is still in my bag. Wondering if it shall be added into tomorrow's quota when I pack lunch to the library? Hmmm...

最近不知道为什么觉得世间上的好人似乎越来越少

Things going to get busier. It seems that there are more deadlines due soon, more work to be done. Tuition classes resuming gradually! It suddenly seems like I'm not that at ease when there's more time. Instead of studying harder at this opportunity when I have more time, I am actually just dazing away some times?

Am afraid of times when I seems free, I tend to... be too relaxed.

Have lots of crazy thinking lately. After effects of having too much time, no?


我转身我后退　竟然害怕面对

Birthday or an investment?

I don't know how many of my friends out there are seeing this but honestly, since I have written this then I wouldn't quite care how many people I am going to offend.

Have been receiving invitations from friends - now I'm not even sure of this vocab's real definition. People that you haven't been quite in touch with are now all happy enough to see me at their birthday party. I am indeed skeptical about my presence if it would really make a difference to the party itself or was it all about the birthday gift that I was going to bring along?

One more person, probably means more present. What an investment!

A sharing of my bad life episode is not an opportunity for you to show off how much your children are worth nor how much money you've dumped in for them. This exchange is not meant to comfort you of how well your children are doing but to remind you that your children are somehow insensible because the tens of thousands of investments could yield you a seat in SIM or some other private insitituitions too. Landing a place in the local colleges certainly does not warrant happiness in you or your children in the future.

I hope your hard work will yield some high returns in the future. High calibre kids can be ill brats as well. Look at the cases of high flying professionals fighting in courts over their parents' assets? Perhaps your children won't be the same but who knows?

With words like this, I felt spurred and motivated, meaning I want to prove that I am capable of producing even better results than I already am. But I'm sorry to say that maybe you are saying this because subconsciously you are admitting to the fact that you do not have a daughter who is as capable and sensible as me, other than in terms of my previous academic results a couple of years back.

I believe in 'Each to it's own'. Although we are not going to have a lot of college drop-outs like Bill Gates who managed to create Microsoft, and of course we will not have many Sim Wong Hoo in Singapore, I'm more than positive to know that I am going to be someone of worth with years down the road. I am not going to be that miserable little executive sitting behind that monitor screen, that I can assure you.

I am certain about what kind of a person are you and would certainly build up the invisible wall from now on. I still respect you out if courteousy because you are someone who is more senior to me in age but I may be disappointing you that I am not respecting you deep down from my heart. I am not your typical plus innocent 20 year old who lives next door who believes that this world is nice, colorful and beautiful. I have seen a fair bit of what I shouldn't have seen and have braved through what someone who is of comparable age haven't had gone through.

I will watch my words while I keep my eyes open to see what comes. You're not a foe but definitely not a friend, my dear colleague. May you, the mother of three lead a better life from now on.

Making plans

Although I'm not even able to have a full week of term break, unlike some of my friends who probably ends their exams tomorrow, I'm still pretty excited for the few days before my new term starts on the 8th, after my last paper that ends on 1 November. Just ended my very first paper today with a breeze, happy much!

Am thinking of savoring good food during my one month break without my tuitions in November now. Feel like having weekday brunch at some places out of the way again, but not forty hands this time! Hopefully can go explore duxton hill once more and Robertson Quay - the bento shop looks wonderful, yum yum!

Well, the next term seems a little dull with a loss of couple of close friends, but guess it seems to be an ideal time for a more disciplined study time table for myself during the weekdays after class from now onwards. Praying hard for a decent time table! No evening classes please!

I don't understand why can't we just face it an admit it.

Tangible or intangible goods, we pay a price for it. You get what you had paid for, most of the time, quality and price will be in equal proportion. Although I have to say that sometimes, there are times where the price and your efforts doesn't pay off.

Maybe I am just a lucky girl since the very beginning. The wron steps in life seems to become right after all. I don't exactly had to pretend to possess certain things, as in true facts, I really have them. I don't need to chase after certain dreams, because deep down I am really working hard for them.

At times I am actually worried about life after graduation. What comes when I am stepping into a new phase of life? Though I'm anticipating for the time when life should be the merriest, where one could embrace love, money and freedom - I'm negative about uncertainties in the future. When I lose this balance that I'm enjoying now, will I lose it all?

Gotta tell myself that sometimes, just stay contented as the lucky girl that I am now and stop thinking too far ahead. Who knows I may not live till tomorrow?

Keeping my cool

Yes, that's what I have been trying to do lately. I am very much like a very grumpy person now. The tension doesn't quite get release out of the system, or rather don't have an outlet to go to. I'm desperately pressed for time, preparation for my presentations and the assignments are all due near the same period of time. Oh, and tests too... To top it off, it's the kids CA2 period now so there's no way I could squeeze out time from there. Making do with less tIme for sleeping, more trips down at LKC and a very tired body.

Well, what spoils the mood even more is the nonsense that I had at work. Sometimes I don't know am I just plain too serious for my own good. Joke or not, intentional or unintentional, I can't really distinguish the difference. Perhaps it's me - a suspicious woman who likes to exaggerate things and make life difficult for myself so I can't have anyone to blame, can I?

Got to be honest, sometimes I would like to hear some words of encouragement from my family and not voices of disapproval or criticism about me not having my priorities right. Aren't these people supposed to be supportive? I have no complains about having my dinner only at supper time with nothing else but probably the left overs that you guys finished. I never utter a word or attempted to stretch out my hand and ask for money when I had to pay that silly telephone bill that wasn't suppose to be my business. I needed that bit of understanding, but instead you guys just brush it off with words that I have interpreted to be saying that I was insensible.

I didn't want to spell it out but if you always had to ask why am I working so late and hard while I'm supposed to spend my time studying - it's because money and studies are equally important to me

In times, I just had to stay away from this bullshit.

Back to school. Had to get back to the busy schedule and prepare myself for more days stuck at the national library with lots of reports due in three weeks time. Hope it will be very soon that I can meet BBF when she starts school at the end of august since she will be only three storey away then ;)

Planned to be at LKC at Wednesday to do up management and marketing

Had a meet up with some primary school mates last Saturday. I think it's a part of growing up when you see people mature, and change. Of course at the same time, be a little out of your expectation. I am fearful of having dead air but well, it went on pretty alright that night.

"See you next year"

Had flown to Guangzhou before school started. Had enjoyed myself but I believed it would have been a much better trip if possible. Was physically satisfied with lots of good food (check out the facebook album, hehe)

Was pretty well emotionally satisfied too.

People may not be able to understand like what is there to see in china? Well I am a very scenery person. I like the views of nature so hills and flowers are kind of great for me. The museums are great, learnt a lot more about Dr. Sun Yet San. Not like you can't search for information of him online but it's just different.

The trip down to Teochew and Shantou was fabulous because being a true blue teochew personally, I totally love the atmosphere when everyone else around you spoke that native language that you know since three years old! And when you converse with the people, you truly felt like one of them and honestly, you felt really close to home at heart.

I know that really sounded alienic but true, I felt like I was home. Not a single inch like a foreigner. 真的有那种认祖归总，落叶归根的感觉。

I'm down with sore throat and running nose, here comes the side effects of my influenza vaccination. Good thing that it's the last day of work today and probably am able to get some rest next week.

Hopefully can get to sing songs before my trip or before school starts. Am already craving for good food already, BBF. Please get better and we can go touring around Singapore again. Should explore the east soon!

I can feel the excitement now, finally...

Couldn't resist the temptation and bought it. Let's say it's an early Christmas present to myself. Hmm, I'll reserve the slot for something major for the 21st ;)

Study week - study, tuition, watch tv, study, sleep

Couldn't sleep till more than 9am because there's a little human alarm clock making noise. Am going to make a trip to the bank and the supermarket soon, don't I just sound like a housewife?

Am hungry also. Don't know what to eat for brunch

They tell me, don't think about it

I have to say, sometimes certain things are just not worth it to be occupied that part of your limited brain cells

I hope it's just hormonal for me to get really snappy these days. My emotional level is at the orange zone. I don't always want to respond to anyone with sarcasm. Neither do I want to be always engaging in conversation where I either talk about work or complain about things under the sun

Visited my aunt today during my short free time after class today as we were released earlier. She reminded me of something that my late grandmother used to say

When we are alive, we complain. We complain about how hard we got to work to earn money, how hard our lives are. But when we are dead, there's nothing left. Life is so short so why waste time complaining and making your lives difficult and upsetting?

How time flies.

Like I've always told myself that there's a special part of your memory, regardless of whether are they good or bad things, those memories are never meant to be forgotten.

It could be your first kiss, the faces of your late grandparents, happy occasions that you'd spent with your high school classmates, the time where you see a beautiful rainbow or even how your first love broke your heart...

Very randomly, I get reminded of incidents that happened to me before. Good or bad alike, they will bring on a silly smile on my face.

I think this is a process of growing up. How your mind matures and how the behaviors change.

I might not have many life experiences and I'm not here to offer anyone any word of advice. But somehow now, I truly understands that life is about making the right decisions where you try your best to not disappoint those who love you. Life is living it to the fullest happily regardless of its duration.