Live, Love, Laugh

2011-12-13T16:33:00.002+08:00

I have to admit it when I wasn't giving my all and I have not done my best. Got to take it as a lesson learnt and remember not to make the sane mistake. Haven't prepared well enough for this first time test with the cheat sheet. Now I know, it's not about how much you can cram into the paper, it's more like you know your stuff or you don't.

Major mistake: the cheat sheet doesn't necessary help you.

Must work doubly hard for the economics test on Thursday.

Am happy to have some Christmas plans this year. Am keeping off town this time, no crowds :) glad to be visiting a new place this time ;)

Had eaten six slices of bread since this morning. The last sandwich is still in my bag. Wondering if it shall be added into tomorrow's quota when I pack lunch to the library? Hmmm...

2011-12-01T17:46:00.002+08:00

最近不知道为什么觉得世间上的好人似乎越来越少

Things going to get busier. It seems that there are more deadlines due soon, more work to be done. Tuition classes resuming gradually! It suddenly seems like I'm not that at ease when there's more time. Instead of studying harder at this opportunity when I have more time, I am actually just dazing away some times?

Am afraid of times when I seems free, I tend to... be too relaxed.

Have lots of crazy thinking lately. After effects of having too much time, no?

我转身我后退　竟然害怕面对

2011-11-12T19:51:00.002+08:00

Birthday or an investment?

I don't know how many of my friends out there are seeing this but honestly, since I have written this then I wouldn't quite care how many people I am going to offend.

Have been receiving invitations from friends - now I'm not even sure of this vocab's real definition. People that you haven't been quite in touch with are now all happy enough to see me at their birthday party. I am indeed skeptical about my presence if it would really make a difference to the party itself or was it all about the birthday gift that I was going to bring along?

One more person, probably means more present. What an investment!

2011-10-29T16:42:00.003+08:00

A sharing of my bad life episode is not an opportunity for you to show off how much your children are worth nor how much money you've dumped in for them. This exchange is not meant to comfort you of how well your children are doing but to remind you that your children are somehow insensible because the tens of thousands of investments could yield you a seat in SIM or some other private insitituitions too. Landing a place in the local colleges certainly does not warrant happiness in you or your children in the future.

I hope your hard work will yield some high returns in the future. High calibre kids can be ill brats as well. Look at the cases of high flying professionals fighting in courts over their parents' assets? Perhaps your children won't be the same but who knows?

With words like this, I felt spurred and motivated, meaning I want to prove that I am capable of producing even better results than I already am. But I'm sorry to say that maybe you are saying this because subconsciously you are admitting to the fact that you do not have a daughter who is as capable and sensible as me, other than in terms of my previous academic results a couple of years back.

I believe in 'Each to it's own'. Although we are not going to have a lot of college drop-outs like Bill Gates who managed to create Microsoft, and of course we will not have many Sim Wong Hoo in Singapore, I'm more than positive to know that I am going to be someone of worth with years down the road. I am not going to be that miserable little executive sitting behind that monitor screen, that I can assure you.

I am certain about what kind of a person are you and would certainly build up the invisible wall from now on. I still respect you out if courteousy because you are someone who is more senior to me in age but I may be disappointing you that I am not respecting you deep down from my heart. I am not your typical plus innocent 20 year old who lives next door who believes that this world is nice, colorful and beautiful. I have seen a fair bit of what I shouldn't have seen and have braved through what someone who is of comparable age haven't had gone through.

I will watch my words while I keep my eyes open to see what comes. You're not a foe but definitely not a friend, my dear colleague. May you, the mother of three lead a better life from now on.

2011-10-24T17:53:00.002+08:00

Making plans

Although I'm not even able to have a full week of term break, unlike some of my friends who probably ends their exams tomorrow, I'm still pretty excited for the few days before my new term starts on the 8th, after my last paper that ends on 1 November. Just ended my very first paper today with a breeze, happy much!

Am thinking of savoring good food during my one month break without my tuitions in November now. Feel like having weekday brunch at some places out of the way again, but not forty hands this time! Hopefully can go explore duxton hill once more and Robertson Quay - the bento shop looks wonderful, yum yum!

Well, the next term seems a little dull with a loss of couple of close friends, but guess it seems to be an ideal time for a more disciplined study time table for myself during the weekdays after class from now onwards. Praying hard for a decent time table! No evening classes please!

2011-10-09T09:08:00.002+08:00

I don't understand why can't we just face it an admit it.

Tangible or intangible goods, we pay a price for it. You get what you had paid for, most of the time, quality and price will be in equal proportion. Although I have to say that sometimes, there are times where the price and your efforts doesn't pay off.

Maybe I am just a lucky girl since the very beginning. The wron steps in life seems to become right after all. I don't exactly had to pretend to possess certain things, as in true facts, I really have them. I don't need to chase after certain dreams, because deep down I am really working hard for them.

At times I am actually worried about life after graduation. What comes when I am stepping into a new phase of life? Though I'm anticipating for the time when life should be the merriest, where one could embrace love, money and freedom - I'm negative about uncertainties in the future. When I lose this balance that I'm enjoying now, will I lose it all?

Gotta tell myself that sometimes, just stay contented as the lucky girl that I am now and stop thinking too far ahead. Who knows I may not live till tomorrow?

2011-08-15T19:49:00.002+08:00

Keeping my cool

Yes, that's what I have been trying to do lately. I am very much like a very grumpy person now. The tension doesn't quite get release out of the system, or rather don't have an outlet to go to. I'm desperately pressed for time, preparation for my presentations and the assignments are all due near the same period of time. Oh, and tests too... To top it off, it's the kids CA2 period now so there's no way I could squeeze out time from there. Making do with less tIme for sleeping, more trips down at LKC and a very tired body.

Well, what spoils the mood even more is the nonsense that I had at work. Sometimes I don't know am I just plain too serious for my own good. Joke or not, intentional or unintentional, I can't really distinguish the difference. Perhaps it's me - a suspicious woman who likes to exaggerate things and make life difficult for myself so I can't have anyone to blame, can I?

Got to be honest, sometimes I would like to hear some words of encouragement from my family and not voices of disapproval or criticism about me not having my priorities right. Aren't these people supposed to be supportive? I have no complains about having my dinner only at supper time with nothing else but probably the left overs that you guys finished. I never utter a word or attempted to stretch out my hand and ask for money when I had to pay that silly telephone bill that wasn't suppose to be my business. I needed that bit of understanding, but instead you guys just brush it off with words that I have interpreted to be saying that I was insensible.

I didn't want to spell it out but if you always had to ask why am I working so late and hard while I'm supposed to spend my time studying - it's because money and studies are equally important to me

In times, I just had to stay away from this bullshit.

2011-08-01T11:01:00.002+08:00

Back to school. Had to get back to the busy schedule and prepare myself for more days stuck at the national library with lots of reports due in three weeks time. Hope it will be very soon that I can meet BBF when she starts school at the end of august since she will be only three storey away then ;)

Planned to be at LKC at Wednesday to do up management and marketing

Had a meet up with some primary school mates last Saturday. I think it's a part of growing up when you see people mature, and change. Of course at the same time, be a little out of your expectation. I am fearful of having dead air but well, it went on pretty alright that night.

"See you next year"

Had flown to Guangzhou before school started. Had enjoyed myself but I believed it would have been a much better trip if possible. Was physically satisfied with lots of good food (check out the facebook album, hehe)

Was pretty well emotionally satisfied too.

People may not be able to understand like what is there to see in china? Well I am a very scenery person. I like the views of nature so hills and flowers are kind of great for me. The museums are great, learnt a lot more about Dr. Sun Yet San. Not like you can't search for information of him online but it's just different.

The trip down to Teochew and Shantou was fabulous because being a true blue teochew personally, I totally love the atmosphere when everyone else around you spoke that native language that you know since three years old! And when you converse with the people, you truly felt like one of them and honestly, you felt really close to home at heart.

I know that really sounded alienic but true, I felt like I was home. Not a single inch like a foreigner. 真的有那种认祖归总，落叶归根的感觉。

2011-06-24T07:40:00.002+08:00

I'm down with sore throat and running nose, here comes the side effects of my influenza vaccination. Good thing that it's the last day of work today and probably am able to get some rest next week.

Hopefully can get to sing songs before my trip or before school starts. Am already craving for good food already, BBF. Please get better and we can go touring around Singapore again. Should explore the east soon!

I can feel the excitement now, finally...

2011-05-31T09:51:00.002+08:00

Couldn't resist the temptation and bought it. Let's say it's an early Christmas present to myself. Hmm, I'll reserve the slot for something major for the 21st ;)

Study week - study, tuition, watch tv, study, sleep

Couldn't sleep till more than 9am because there's a little human alarm clock making noise. Am going to make a trip to the bank and the supermarket soon, don't I just sound like a housewife?

Am hungry also. Don't know what to eat for brunch

2011-05-13T00:31:00.000+08:00

They tell me, don't think about it

I have to say, sometimes certain things are just not worth it to be occupied that part of your limited brain cells

I hope it's just hormonal for me to get really snappy these days. My emotional level is at the orange zone. I don't always want to respond to anyone with sarcasm. Neither do I want to be always engaging in conversation where I either talk about work or complain about things under the sun

Visited my aunt today during my short free time after class today as we were released earlier. She reminded me of something that my late grandmother used to say

When we are alive, we complain. We complain about how hard we got to work to earn money, how hard our lives are. But when we are dead, there's nothing left. Life is so short so why waste time complaining and making your lives difficult and upsetting?

How time flies.

Like I've always told myself that there's a special part of your memory, regardless of whether are they good or bad things, those memories are never meant to be forgotten.

It could be your first kiss, the faces of your late grandparents, happy occasions that you'd spent with your high school classmates, the time where you see a beautiful rainbow or even how your first love broke your heart...

Very randomly, I get reminded of incidents that happened to me before. Good or bad alike, they will bring on a silly smile on my face.

I think this is a process of growing up. How your mind matures and how the behaviors change.

I might not have many life experiences and I'm not here to offer anyone any word of advice. But somehow now, I truly understands that life is about making the right decisions where you try your best to not disappoint those who love you. Life is living it to the fullest happily regardless of its duration.

2011-05-12T00:52:00.002+08:00

The better things in life

One's needs and desire is unlimited and they never seem enough. There is no way to put an end to this and it makes us keep wanting more. People are just this silly creature. To think about it, some time talking about self fulfillment and being contented seem like bullshit.

Had a talk with a colleague on the way back home tonight. And I seriously don't like times when people tells me that they are really envious of me. Well, it's the same idea as the grass is always greener on the other side. What people may see of me is the shine of an end product. What lies beneath when it's all raw and bare? I'm not trying to sound noble or impressive but I'm just saying that's human nature where they seem blind to the process that leads to an outcome.

Hard work is transparent. It's normal when people don't appreciate the effort.

2011-04-26T21:15:00.002+08:00

Am anticipating a good weekend ahead :)

Got to fully enjoy myself before the pace for both tuition and school picks up again. The mid year exams for the kids are coming and I've already gotten request to add additional slots. So dear friends whom I'm meeting this weekend are probably the last ones who see me before I do the MIA thing again.

Got to wave goodbye to my Saturdays and Friday nights as well got the upcoming two weeks or so, I guess?

Had a relaxing day today catching up on the serial drama. Haven't had the time to pack the table and the room because I've been lazing around watching the tv. Gotta squeeze some time for that soon.

Yearning to watch a movie too. The last film I watched was No Strings Attached by Natalie Portman and Aston Kutcher. Don't even know what's up on the screen lately anyway.

Shall drag myself to jurong point to get the daily necessities. Had been delaying due to the lack of time. I've cleaned out the convenience food. Don't even have a packet of potato chips at home. How sad is that...

2011-04-17T08:51:00.003+08:00

As humans, we like to think about the unthinkable

It has become a habit of me to be afraid of death recently. Like I often have this thought before I go to bed. Seems like far away for me but who knows when will be my turn? You see people depart, wondered where they went to eventually? Is there an after life? Heaven, hell or just plain wandering around in the thin air? How scaring, you may be able to see your dead body, or will you meet people who are dead long time ago?

Is dying just like sleeping, losing consciousness then you'll never wake up? I wish it was that plain simple. I think that won't be that bad. I wonder what I'm doing and what's that last memory before my last breath...

It has been a pain to wake up in the morning lately. Hope these two painful weeks can pass very quickly. Nearly two more assignments to complete and after 25th, I'll be able to take a short break. Can already imagine myself cooping myself in the room and watch tv :) yay, the television is such a brilliant invention! Like it really open up the world. You can travel all round in the world in a split second, no?

Have been eating out alone more often these days. I used to really dislike the idea of sitting alone and eat. I've always felt like the other people will be looking at you weirdly, like why is this person so lonely an pathetic? I would make myself to munch a bun as I walk instead of sitting down. But recently, I finally came to this conclusion of why should I make my precious stomach suffer because of the silly glances which people may cast on me?

I'm paying money to buy the food, so I definitely deserve the seat. For sure, I'm better those people who hog to four seats when there's only one of them dining right? I will choose tables with two seats.

Perhaps its all because my life has been very mundane lately and plus the fact that I've been traveling a lot in public transport lately that my bad habit of talking with my imaginary friend has became more frequent. I have this habit of imagining conversations with myself. Answering my own silly questions and asking my imaginary friend stuff that I probably won't tell real people. I have this little problem of talking to myself when I'm alone in the house, on the train or bus..

No, I don't think this is mental. I just felt this is another method to unwind and let out some frustrations. Perhaps this is a little secret side of me that I don't want to let people see. The conversation topic is silly, something out of the world.

2011-04-08T21:56:00.002+08:00

Talking about Technology

Am really fed up over the fact that when I need the school' portal urgently, it has to break down. Now I cannot submit my stuff and to make it worse, it isn't my local lecturer who is marking my work but that angmoh guy at Perth. Totally awesome, I am all prepared to wave goodbye to another 4 percent off BIS100, last week's 4% most probably gone because absent minded me forget to hand the thing in by Friday 11.55pm. This week's screwed up all because of the damn system. No wonder people fail BIS100 again and again, maybe it wasn't their fault.

My nose's blocked like hell. I'm breathing like a fish. My voice sounds pathetically sexy, I don't know how am I going to teach tomorrow.

Was wondering if I should write this on the whiteboard tomorrow:

"Class, please cooperate with me because I can't yell at you. Do your work quietly and I'm sure you'll be rewarded."

Like my bunch of monkeys care about rewards huh...

My neck hurts and I felt tired to the max. I haven't marked the worksheets for tomorrow, better log off and do them now, ciao!

2011-04-06T12:22:00.002+08:00

People who are loud and fierce are not necessarily bad

Recent events had set me to realize that usually those people who starts to flare up or raise their voice easily are usually the ones who doesn't harm you to the extreme. Because once they get the issue of out their system in this manner, they forget all about it.

In fact, those really nice people, like overly temperless are quite scary. Like they have really high EQ, and they can really conceal their emotions really well. You never know when these people are angry with you, you can't really know when they are going to plot something against you or turn against your back.

I feel threatened when I meet people of the latter. How would you feel when you're being all truly truthful and the party you're facing is only treating you with a facade of lies with a big fat smile on the face? You can't slap her right across because it only shows that you're the one being unreasonable as everyone deems her as Little Miss Super Nice. You can't hurt Little Miss Super Nice, can you?

It's just like making very beautiful looking cupcakes but inside, it just taste bad. What a deception.

2011-04-03T09:49:00.002+08:00

I think the times of me being stuck at the national library typing away will stop for next weekend for the moment. If you haven't been to the higher floors where the Lee Kong Chian Reference Library is, just want to share with you that it's a really condusive place to study or do your work only provided that you're the type of the people who needs complete silence when you're focusing. Those of you who likes studying alone should give it a try. You don't need to quite snatch for a plug, unlike at elsewhere (e.g. I've tried the open area in front of shaw where the McCafe was, and Starbucks of course - both places need you to patronize them of course) as there are plenty to go around. You get the air con which is rather cooling especially in the late evenings, big sized tables - which was especially great for me because I'm a very messy person as I often have notes thrown all over the table and your bonus will be all the books that you can use as resources. As they are reference materials, they will never be on loan out of the library and librarians there are very efficient, where books are very easily found because they are constantly arranging the books!

One other thing is that they have really nice view from there. If you find a nice spot to sit, you literally sit facing the Singapore Flyer and have a bird eye view of the suntec city and bugis area. Shall share some photos with you guys on facebook.

Am able to have a little bit of fun after Monday. Really looking forward to some roaming around town to shop for birthday present :)

2011-04-02T01:32:00.002+08:00

I wish I could see such beautiful skies leisurely once again.

Sometimes, I'm really awed by how I could survive busy and hectic weeks again and again. The routine goes on like nobody business and how I could squeeze out time to juggle work, school and entertainment (TV).

Like most of my friends know, I was never a late sleeper in the past and I hardly burnt any midnight oil before examinations and test. I would, in another words, surrender and go to sleep. But these days, I don't remember any days where I get to sleep before midnight.

Studies say that you tired out your liver if you don't sleep from 11pm to 2 am. With this, I think my liver has been more or less burnt out. But get a little bit more realistic, isn't most of the young people awake at this time?

On a more serious note. The election's coming and the only regret I have is why I'm not 21 yet. You know how much I yearn to cast my one sacred vote?! I must wait for another five years and it could be that I don't get to vote because it may be a walk over then. It was a golden opportunity that I could have to make that little difference yet I missed it by 7 days. Imagine I was born in 31 Dec 1990, then it will be perfect ;P

Was watching the travel programme and was thinking of visiting Bali. Then news came tonight that the terrorists were planning to bomb Bali or something. How timely...

Am keeping my Hong Kong plan this July on hold first, because Mum thinks that the world's not getting that peaceful now, so better stay close to home. Or rather - stay at home...

2011-03-29T13:51:00.000+08:00

Although I'm not a Show Luo fan, but this song has been on my replay recently. Found the lyrics really meaningful, which actually got me to wonder whether are people feeling this way when they eventually walked out of a relationship?

2011-03-06T13:59:00.002+08:00

Let's all forget about the incident

Had been eating really nice food to make up for the really bad mood since yesterday afternoon. First, had Dark Mocha Frappacino from Starbucks to cheer myself up a little. Long time since I treated myself to a nice cup of coffee at one of my favorite hangout. But got to admit that the longer I sat by myself, the more hollow I actually felt. Still, it was a good chance for me to enjoy some peace and quiet

Dined at the Prima revolving restaurant yesterday night. Was a really great experience with the view. Even the toilet has really nice view - pretty toilets ;) nice view, great food and the night's really well spent with family. Like the time when everyone can sit at the dinner table, eat and make conversations happily.

Gonna have dinner tonight with my aunties for birthday celebration. Heehee, foodie food ;)

2011-03-03T21:12:00.002+08:00

Once in a while, I think I need some quiet time like this where I just lie on my bed in complete darkness, put on my headphone and listen to some music. No, this is not being emo - too old for this term, don't you think? Am enjoying this time when the songs don't serve as a background noise, like when you plug in your music player when you're on the streets. Only at time like this, when you will really focus on listening to the lyrics and pay attention to that little pitch difference. And yes, I have a pretty good sound system on my headset.

I've been spending my holidays sleeping, lying in bed and watching television all day long. Nothing much other being quite a lazy bum actually.

I have been working on my little secret project. Almost done now hehehe.

Ok, want to tell BBF to have a safe trip and have tons of fun traveling. Take more photos and come back share with me ;)

2011-02-28T21:40:00.002+08:00

Sorry, neither am I the kind who can conceal my emotions well

At the very least, I try my very best not to flare up in front of certain people. Like Lisa said, I'm not in the position to say anything. For the sake of the people that I love, I did not choose to keep my mouth shut, because I did not have a choice, I had to keep quiet. That is my way of showing you respect and politeness. Do not start expecting me to behave as though nothing is happening with a big fat smile on my face. Well, because let's face it, I can't.

Silence is golden, silence means that one is tolerating, accommodating and compromising. But that doesn't mean that this is necessarily agreeing with what that is being placed forth. Sometimes, giving in to ridiculous demands blindly is stupid. Some people don't think before they speak, but I don't see the point to stoop down to your level and meet your requirements when they simply do not make any sense.

If you want to go things your way, go ahead and stop trying to change other people. Sometimes, this just won't work. Want to talk about standardisation, then go on and get a machine for replacement, but bother getting human help? Switch to a robot, because it is pretty stupid. It doesn't fight back or talk back, it will listen to your orders totally.

Let's put the topic of who's right and who's wrong aside, because such questions never reach an answer in a million years. Most of the time, both sides are wrong in some ways. What really bothers me is that some people don't even think that there is a problem with themselves. Throwing their weight around makes me despise them. Can't they even see what is going on or the good things that people has done for them? Human magnify flaws and they find fault, they never want to see or acknowledge the good things around them, isn't this trying to make lives difficult for themselves?

People, let's be on our toes. Start trying to be a little more sensitive but not overly sensitive to the extent of being paranoid. Show a little kindness and courtesy to people around you. Isn't this what Singapore and that cute little Singa lion tried to inculcate in all fellow Singaporeans years back?

There's like plenty of things on my mind. I need some inner peace and I don't know where to seek them. I need some time on my own to sort things out with myself again. I planned to enjoy this entire week, wanted to fill the days up with lots of fun and laughter but I think its going to be a failed mission.

2011-02-24T16:42:00.003+08:00

Stop and stare

I don't know when will this little tinge of regret eventually leave me. Seeing certain things that had that association still have the power to set me thinking and I will be still wondering about that many uncertainties that never bother to take place. I've never been a ruthless person but there will certain times where I have to get myself to know when I have to take big steps and look away.

Watched Black Swan today. When I spent the first ten or so minutes watching the movie alone, I had this thought that I may actually try watching a film on my own especially when the theatre was pretty empty on a Thursday afternoon like this. probable that I have to overcome the sight of the person casting me pathetic glares when I buy a single ticket.

By the way, Enna came in later and she was etching half of the movie with her hands covering her face. Don't know if we are watching horror or not.

Back to the movie. It was quite meaningful to me, because I actually had a younger cousin who is slightly mental because she wants everything to be perfect and couldn't quite deal with stress. And after seeing watching the show, the more I feel that she should learn how to relax and not be so tensed up or else she may worsen and become like the lead. Somehow I could relate to the movie I guess. Which brings to my point being a far too perfectionist is a pain sometimes. Like in the end, you only end up hurting no one but probably yourself.

Alright exams over, am gonna enjoy myself fully in my break. First up, the activity for today is to sleep and watch tv, yay!

2011-02-22T20:44:00.002+08:00

Imbalance

There will be times when I feel like this, where you feel a little upset about certain results that happens as a consquence of my own incapabilities. Not that I'm very worst off than other people right now, but your heart just felt imbalance. Partly because deep down, I did wanted to be part of the norm, to look good and I wanted that status too.

Hooked on tv. Tried cutting myself down during exams period to sleep more and read more but still failed. Ended up sleeping real late as usual. I have to keep it at the back of my mind and only allowing to watch Tales of Two Cities tonight, then I will dutifully read management notes - the topic that I'm like least confident of.

Okay, am satisfied after dinner. Shall wait for the show to start ;)

2011-02-19T22:58:00.003+08:00

He'll love me very much, because I'm special and so different from other girls. It's gonna be all or nothing

I think this is the best thing a friend ever told me to convince me how beautiful love can possibly be. And how much a man, other than my own father, could love me

Somewhat I myself is anticipating to see this man appearing right before me with my own eyes

Am on the way if heading home now. Saw the laser lights but the fireworks didn't appear so it made me rather disappointed. I think the fireworks was a special for the official opening ceremony only. Anyway there were quite a lot of other people who thought that there was going to be a fireworks tonight

Shall shower and catch up with some episodes before heading to bed. Got to sleep more to make up for the loss of sleep yesterday

Plan to read up more materials tomorrow again. Four days of war time will pass before I even know it then I can meet up with BBF to watch a movie, enjoy a dinner and unwind :)

2011-02-14T22:18:00.002+08:00

择日不如撞日，撞日也要撞得对

Missed the chance of heading to Taipei this March. Why did my class got to start on 7 March instead of like two weeks later? Say goodbye to my SQ flight and my 3 night stay at some 5-star hotel for free :/ MAJOR OUCH

How's your V day, to my girls who have that special someone. I hope it had been a nice day for you people.

Had a four hour nap this afternoon. I'm waving hello to a sleepless night that is oncoming. Gosh, untimely because I am having my presentation at that 9am class tomorrow morning. Had to wake up real early.

I hate watching Singapore drama serials with my family. They got nothing else to say other than to complain how boring, lame and illogical the whole story gets. Well, I could only say that drama is something that is made to somewhat waste your time isn't it. If you had better things to do, then you wouldn't be actually watching the show right. I remembered some line in Teochew that my late grandmother used to say, "The people who acts in the shows are crazy, the people who watches the shows are fools" Exactly, isn't it?

2011-02-12T20:23:00.002+08:00

Dislike aimless Saturday nights

I want to have something to do, possibly a nice plan with nice people, doing nice things that I enjoy doing. Like dining out and catching up. I'm so bored with myself to the extent that I feign sleeping as I didn't want to be caught with hanging out with my new best friend - the television, in my room again. I retreat into isolation because I didn't want to be spotted with a not so white face. What I've heard half an hour ago was literally the pot calling the kettle black

I think I feel the anger within myself building up. I need an outlet to release all of that. Maybe I need to go to my secret hideout for a stroll very soon - like tomorrow perhaps.

I beginning to feel like a grumpy old woman who could not stand the pointless din out there. What's the point of talking when it's not going to hold water. The lack of substance and every thing leads to no solution just bothers me much. A total waste of time.

Keeping quiet seem like the best. You don't pick up a fight and neither will people find fault. Act blur when it's necessary.

2011-02-08T08:58:00.004+08:00

I'm almost three weeks through my 7 weeks of 'not so hectic' tuition weeks. Exams gonna be over in about two weeks time so I probably get to enjoy a bit of holidays completely.

V day in one week's time. I don't know if I was gonna date Management or Marketing.

Feeling very tired lately. It was said that if you slept more, you felt even more tired but come on, isn't it the point to sleep more when you really feel tired!? Totally make no sense to me. Got to admit that I've been gulping quite a bit of chicken essence lately.

Am now sitting in the living room typing this while waiting for my maid to be done with plucking the kang kong. Wonder why she's taking so long... Only after she's okay then I can go cook my Campbell soup. Anyway thought I can get my Wednesday and Thursday off this week but too bad, have to work on project tomorrow and there's a bizmath test that I've forgotten all about on Thursday.

Okay, the maid's done. I can go cook now.

Here's a piece of happy news to share. My niece just started calling me gu gu two days back. Happy much :D

2011-02-05T22:26:00.002+08:00

Change is the only constant

Want to change, don't want to change? Questions like this brings everyone headache. Change is everywhere, change is basically about everything. Humans are never satisfied, so they change or make changes to things around them, in order to have themselves pleased. Humans are this insatiable and self centred creatures, you and I alike so fret not and don't have to be ashamed.

Finally done with communications report, couldn't be any happier.

I'm getting old. I realised today that I couldn't stand walking around with my heavy bag after teaching 7 hours straight today. I really wanted to be a filial daughter and accompany my parents out and let them enjoy the rest of the day but somehow I ended up really lethargic and grumpy before the it even turned dark.

I think the only activity I could embrace on every Saturday is having dinner, movies and long talks with BBF. Stuff requiring no walking.

You envy people, want a bit of that. You want to have a bite and taste it, but you know you're never gonna reach it or seize it. Those beautiful pictures are only for viewing pleasure, I wonder when will it ever be me.

Yes, the above is meant to be nonsensical. My own viewing pleasure.

2011-02-01T21:04:00.002+08:00

The crowded mass everywhere

I actually had a slightly day off than usual today as everyone was in a CNY mood. Coms only took half of the usual time and I didn't even had to stay and watch the other people's presentation during marketing lecture.

Went back to te office to visit the colleagues and ate Yu sheng, am very satisfied. A little disappointment was that I didn't have the chance to trim my hair because it was just way too crowded at the salon.

Back to the point, during the lunar new year, it is simply crowded everywhere! Like super messy, a crazy crowd. I was in watsons buying my nail polish remover and I hardly had a place to stand at the display shelf. I was practically in the store bumping into every other person with my big bag.

People around me are all so festive where I'm here starting to feel moody. Am going to hit vivo city on Thursday and watch a movie and lunch at marche ;) here I come, rosti!

2011-01-14T12:30:00.002+08:00

Fruitless

Project with the classmates today was not exactly as productive as expected. The 1500 word marketing essay was only filled up with only 200 words. More time gonna be used next week for another meet up on Wednesday. Say bye to my late morning and hello to the crowded morning train to town.

But on a happier note, I fulfilled my stomach with the big breakfast that it had been craving for ages. Saw the miniatures but I guess I should be saving money and not spending money for a silly toy that I wouldn't be playing.

Love whampoa market because I get to surf the net through the free wifi for free, yay!

Heehee and I love impromptu shopping trips to town :)

2011-01-13T17:40:00.002+08:00

As long as you're happy

I think that's a very simple logic yet many people doesn't seem to get it. I guess it's about making decisions for yourself and be accountable for them. To a certain point of time, I no longer want to please people with my sensible choices, I just want to do things that I deem as right.

Deep down, I do know what I want, and why I'm working hard for.

I think it's after watching Love and Other Drugs the other day that got me started on googling about Polaroid. Like a real Polaroid camera and not the fuji instax. I think getting a Polaroid camera is easy and cheap, roughly about 60 bucks you can own one but it's the long term investment after it that rips you off, lol

Am thinking about having a vacation!

2011-01-10T22:11:00.002+08:00

About O'levels.

I actually have two younger cousins who actually sat for this exam last year, which probably made me more concern about the release of results today. I'm honestly not that kind of older cousin who goes around poking my nose into other people's business or neither am I all "auntie" being where I start to pick up the phone and start to dial their number to ask how well they did.

But I happen to chance upon a post of a younger junior of my Secondary school on facebook. Shouldn't disclose my former school, in case there are some spies out there or something. I don't want to get caught because of this freedom of speech.

She wrote, "Hi, somebody tell me how *insert the name of my secondary school here* did please

Here goes the funny conversation. Another friend posted, "Owned by some china scholar I heard, 10 A1s"

"again!!! -.- every year like that!"

Just two days back, I bumped into my secondary school teacher at Clarke Quay, he brought two china scholars along for dinner actually. Now I know why my school brings in china scholars without fail. Hmmmm, foreign talent really do you proud.

2011-01-09T22:05:00.002+08:00

Let's talk about movie selection today. I was very glad, in fact more than glad, that I actually watched Love and Other Drugs, another movie starred by one of my favorite Hollywood actress Anne Hathaway with my BBF, instead of with my uni classmates. Or else I think they'll start judging me all from a new perspective.

I think nothing goes too wrong if I were to watch any movies with my BFF. If you see two guys watching some cheesy romance flick then you will suspect that they are gays. Honestly this is hugely of what I usually tend to imagine of them. But if it were the two of us, most people will not think of two ladies being lesbians. Girls tend to be at the advantage for things like this, I assure you.

Like I was telling some of my friends, I'm in this all festive mood these days. Like the Christmas and the new year had just passed, here comes my birthday. And soon enough, before you know it, it's gonna be the lunar new year. I feel very occupied these days, with work, school, many assignments and the other things all going on at the same time. To be completely honest, I think I have felt like this before. You really wished that the weekend can be a little longer. This still feels like Friday night to me.

Enlighten me, how does it feel to watch a romance film with a handsome guy, BBF? P.s like the one from you know where. I think it was kinda interesting that we set the same standards.

2011-01-05T08:42:00.002+08:00

Having a very busy two weeks ahead with many assignments due. Only slept at 3.30 am, which is approximately 5 hours earlier but I'm now up already. I think my brain subconsciously know that I've got so much work to complete that I could not waste any more time just on sleeping. Hello chicken essence, my favorite friend lately - it's time that I'll drink you again!

Am looking forward to the upcoming plans starting from tomorrow! Seeing people that I've not seen in quite a while, being able to catch up in the midst of good food makes me really happy actually.

Oh and I'm thinking of getting a birthday gift for myself to cheer myself up somemore. Though I'm already pretty happy and satisfied these days but there's no harm to make myself even happier right.

So now, I should climb out of bed and start working on my communications report...

2011-01-02T20:40:00.003+08:00

Long new year break was well spent with lots of movies to catch up on. Managed to watch Slumdog Millionaire, I Am Legend, The Game Show and My Best Friend's Girl. Resting a lot and watched a couple of episodes of my hong kong dramas, yay!

Forget about new year resolutions, I never stick to them anyway. Wish everyone's gonna have a blessed and wonderful year ahead.

Kinda busy this week, many things to accomplish.

2010-12-30T23:18:00.001+08:00

Been eating out quite a bit lately, given that I'm actually quite the homely type of people who stays quite a lot at home. It was a virgin attempt at manhattan fish market, not exactly fantastic in my opinion because given the looks of the long queue outside the outlet every time you passed by it, you'll actually expect a lil more.

The word of the night is actually chilling. Don't chill too much, the nights kinda cold in December, don't you realized?

Finally te hectic week is over. Am excited about new year eve when I can stay home and hug my set up box to sleep. Am looking forward to watching live telecast of countdown from all over the world. Fancy fireworks from everywhere just in your own home's comfort, yay!

Here making a little confession. I thought I'm not that dependent on my mobile but these days, I felt that I can hardly live without it, hahaha. Long journeys on the train nowadays never seem long or boring when I'm out alone :D

Sometimes it feels nice to bump into people outside. Catching up with people, gossiping alike, you can't deny that it actually brings people closer together. It beats not being in contact at all, really.

And thanks a bunch to those special people out there who truly care about the day. It's really heartwarming to know that you're taking that extra effort for me :)

2010-12-20T18:31:00.002+08:00

The thing about facebook that actually awed me is you will get to discover actually some of your friends "know" or know other groups of your friends. And you will never know how they did it.

I have a long to-do list for this evening :/

I have finished my superbug research, which is good.

I have to start packing the stuff for tomorrow's long day at school. Notes are like everywhere.

I have to bring my thumbdrive to school (which I have forgotten about for two weeks!) in order to save all my marketing materials.

I have yet to read my marketing notes for tomorrow's pop quiz - major die.

Then read my management textbooks + highlight important points + take notes! Management is such a dry subject to me, all the memorising stuff is very hateful.

Now, I have to complete my communications assignment!

Busy, busy....

2010-12-18T23:01:00.002+08:00

We usually never get what we wanted, which is why we motivate ourselves to try harder

I welcome my very first result slip in my Uni life. 2 High distinctions and 2 distinctions.

A typical Saturday spent at work and home. Reached back home after work and did more work. Such a boring life (or rather, no life!), I have to admit. I didn't even make an effort to switch on the television today, explains exactly how busy I am today - didn't even have time to rot, you see that?

Guess its only normal when people see the glamour of other people, they never seem to notice what's all behind that so called facade. While some people out there around me who actually awe over how much I probably could earn a month or spend a month, they would never know the pain I went through, the dinners that I have after work and everything else. I could only say I deserve what I get, to a certain extent. I toiled and work hard for it, be it school or work. To tough moments, I tell myself that if you want that money, you have to bear the pain. Sacrifies part of your time, make do with lesser sleep, do more work = you probably get cash as a reward. It seems to me that in order to "maintain" myself all by my own ability and money, I don't exactly have much of a choice.

Yeah, sometimes I really got to rant la. Too stressed :/

Still, I'm pretty happpppppppppy.

2010-12-05T16:04:00.002+08:00

So lacked of sleep.

Am desperately in need of an afternoon nap now. Too much for the late nights, trying hard to catch up with the episodes and more of them earlier in the day. Watching too much shows makes me sleepy. Doesn't this sight reminds you of old people? Like they switched on the tv and watch but eventually, they prolly just doze off.

Had nice desserts at JDC just now. Yum :D

I just reminded that I've forgotten to wrap my management textbook. Or maybe I should just forget about it. And I have to keep a mental note to remind myself to get back to the office to get my camera back next week...

Haven't been making enough efforts to complile the worksheets for the tuition classes too, hehehe. Plain lazy lately, honestly...

2010-12-04T00:39:00.002+08:00

I think I'll never have enough time to finish watching all the shows on my hubstation! "Personal Taste" is piling up. It has been three weeks since I last watched it.

Business math passed today in a breeze. I hi-fived myself for bracing through four whole hours of algebra, indices and surds. Felt so secondary school all over again. It has been ages since I've sat in a math class, almost half day dreaming yet knowing what was going on, heeheee.

Hectic life starts from tomorrow. Like I bade goodbye to all my Saturday mornings and afternoons permenantly for a year. Gotta work doubly hard for textbook money, expenses, expensive travel fares plus occassional retail therapy, Ms. Teh!

By the way, found the management textbook at Bras Basah Complex! $30 for a second-hand. Save me $60 more for a brand new.

I've been craving for potato chips and chocolates in the night lately. I try to curb my temptation by trying not to think about it. But now, I'm really getting hungry and I could hear my tummy growling. I think I'm gonna give in soon...

2010-12-01T14:09:00.002+08:00

Am in love with my new term timetable. No class on Wednesdays and Thursdays :D

Marketing class yesterday passed with too much laughter, sms and jokes. Cannot be like that for every lecture, I think I'll pass out very soon.

The medicine that I've taken for the flu knocks me to sleep like a pig, literally every day. I'll surrender to sleep at 11 at night and wakes up at 11 the next class if I don't have a class or a morning class.

Am ultra happy last week with my expensive retail therapy, heehee. But a not so good side, have to spend some time to earn that money back, hohoho.

Any plans for Christmas, girls?

2010-11-16T21:49:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I can't seem able to blog with Google Chrome or with my phone.

Found a new hideout, am gonna visit it more often.

Everything's just going back onto track at a faster pace. Its gonna be a new term in about 2 weeks time. Got to do my new unit enrolment on Thursday, have yet to schedule the time table plus my work together.

One down out of four, but it felt as though everything was over. Long time since I really have exam jitters.

I tried to convinced myself that I'm relaxing my brain when I still continue to watch the episodes. Though based on research, being a couch potato is nowhere near relaxing.

Am craving to eat at ikea again, though I had breakfast at ikea just on Sunday morning with Dad and Mum. Dinner, Meiying?

I'm holding back the urge to do many things, because I know it is not the right thing to do, neither is it the right time. I tell myself that there is nothing wrong and get back with life. Days later, I'll go back and ponder about the same things and the same questions all over again. I don't know why certain things should hold some significance after all this time. Time's not enough or is certain things never meant to be forgotten?

Or never wanted to be forgotten...

2010-10-27T23:52:00.003+08:00

It's always like that - if you don't work hard for something, you will never cherish it.

There are just way too many people out there living in a sheltered greenhouse, being so protected and they probably never seen rain. Call me naggy, like an old woman, because I totally see the youngsters today like this - most young people, I meant. I have a bunch of very rich kiddos like that in my class. My lecturer feels the same way. She thinks that I'm probably 10 years older than my peers. Very nice compliment to hear huh, young lady?

When you worked for something yourself, then it becomes truly yours. Something that you're given - I would say you're just blessed.

I've decided to commit my Mondays and Wednesdays for the next term after seeing my new timetable. Shall see what comes next.

2010-10-20T23:16:00.002+08:00

The skies look so gloomy (especially so in the west) because of the forest fire in Indonesia. Makes me very gloomy too.

Ultra busy these two weeks. Hate it when everything is like squeezed together - tests, projects, presentation and examinations for the Primary School - equating to more intensive tuition sessions. Time's so precious and totally dread it when I don't get enough sleep! I'm already not getting enough sleep since I don't know when but now its like doubly bad.

The gastric problem is like getting from bad to worse, guess must switch back to the expensive medicine. Its like haunting me every night. I'm losing track whether it is sometimes a plain stomachache or not. Every now and then, I just feel like I need the toilet desperately.

I need the damn time table for next term soon. Why is it still not updated after 4 days!

2010-10-12T21:09:00.002+08:00

When too many cooks spoil the soup

It was mentioned that when many different people have so many different ideas, it makes things complicated. So I guess that is the main reason behind why people eventually stop suggesting, stop asking and then, stop doing.

I think I'm inevitably one of these people. Very part of the norm kind of people.

High D - Long time since I've been so competitive :D

Talking behind people's back is not necessary gossiping, it is another outlet for anger management or release of frustrations. Unhappiness has to be let out, somewhere and somehow. Everyone is the same and no one is a saint. If you are, then I bet you must already be up there (points upwards)

So you know, it does both parties good if one side just endure a bit and be a little less demanding. I tell myself that this is human nature and it is partly personality as well when some people just have to process what they are thinking by mouth. But unknowingly, it is indirectly causing disturbance and to a certain extent, annoyance and distaste.

The "you are not happy and so do I" concept.

Why there is no "the best of both worlds" theory when it comes to such issues?

What's up with me recently? Finishing lots of research and the Microsoft projects. Researching has not been a feat to me at all for the many years before until now. To hell with you, "scholarly"

2010-10-06T22:49:00.002+08:00

Talking to myself has started to be a part of my life. I don't know since when I started to have this imaginary friend, guess I might be too bored at times and yet I am lazy to start interacting with real, full grown people.

By the way, I think there are so many things out there which are beyond our control, and there's simply no way to explain certain things or to put them into plain words. Those "what-if's" questions that I were asked today - I think I might just give it a try, if there's ever such a chance.

You probably will not know what the future might bring, so why will you want to care.

I think my Communications lecturer brought up two very good points today during tutorial. They are:

1. "Will" is a future tense. Yet many Singaporeans uses "would" to replace "will" to describe the future all the time/most of the time - which is incorrect. If one wants to use "would", the word "if" will have to appear somewhere in the sentence to make it grammatically correct.

To think about it, I guess I am now of these Singaporeans that she's referring to. In fact when I am typing this post, I have a strong urge to type "would" when it should be "will" ;)

2. What is your definitions of words like "good", "terrible", "convenient"? "Good" can be fantastic, impressive, outstanding? "Convenient" can be simple, easily attainable, accessible? When a certain word has too many meaning, it seems to lose its value - like the word has so many meaning that it almost meant nothing.

I think life's the same? When you have so many things, somehow you seem to have nothing because all that you have seem to be insignificant.

Abstract?

Indeed, this is how life is.

2010-09-29T18:16:00.002+08:00

Hello, new phone :D

It was no longer like the old times where you can't get enough of touching the new gadget. Try the camera, start texting your friends, play the games all day long. Guess all these have already became a thing of the past.

Can't actually believe that I'm hitting the number two in just a couple of months time. People actually say when you hit 20, it will be very soon where you say hi to 30. I wonder how is that so? The earth don't exactly spin faster after you're 20 right? Or is it that when it is then, we doesn't seem to slow down? We didn't want to or we can't? So it is plainly because somewhere deep down in our hearts, we know that time is running out?

Sometimes when I seriously sit down and surf facebook, meaning not playing games, then I really wonder how much people around me have grown. Then I can't help but ask myself, what have I done to myself all these years?

Is it because I don't want and I don't bother to or it is all due to my personality that resist changes. But its human nature to adapt to what they used to have, isn't it?

Its mid-week and time really passed so fast. I skipped having a nap today to tidy my bedroom, as usual it gets messy after a while. Table's all piled up with stuff and all, so not productive for work.

Time passed kind of slow without sleeping, really.

2010-09-26T00:01:00.003+08:00

It has become to attract that extra bit of attention and not sharing.

"Everything About Fries" was not very fantastic, so-so kind of stuff. But the crowd of there, the crowd's always there in Holland Village on Saturdays. As usual, we talked a lot, ate quite a lot and moved around quite a lot. It has become a routine for us to end up in a fast food outlet eventually. Previously it was Burger King and now, Wendy's.

I just occurred to me that when you talk to some people, you just seem to go on and on. Partly because the other party usually thinks alike as you do and share your sentiment. Most of the time, responds in a way where it comforts you.

Just realised that Wendy's not that expensive after all. The somewhat Mos Burger standard. Shall try it some day :)

2010-09-24T19:22:00.002+08:00

I think I had to brace up and have a little more courage...

I started to have the habit to reading the free newspaper in the morning. Somehow I can't miss the Chinese entertainment section.

By the way its Children's Day next Friday. An occasion that none of us has actually celebrated for a long time but for this time round, I actually had to start shopping for gifts for kiddos. Shall do it over this weekend ;)

Today I got reminded of the conversation that Ronald and I had a few weeks back. "It's the name United States that puts you in awe". I wonder would things be different if it was like South Africa, or Zimbabwe? Honestly, I would pretty much like to meet that guy, he really has got some depth too.

Honestly, it has been some time since I see numbers starting with 9 and distinctions in my grades. Hurray to Acct :D

2010-09-17T21:58:00.001+08:00

I finally gave in to temptation. I think I couldn't wait that long actually, I am kind of an impatient human being.

So say hello to early termination. Goodbye dear cash, $235 = 18 months contract.

2010-09-16T04:05:00.002+08:00

Working hard, mugging hard and emailing my lecturer at 4am to make clarifications.

I bet he must be silently telling himself that luckily he did not give his mobile number, or else I think I might beat that freak who phoned him at 12 midnight to ask him questions.

真是越夜越静，越夜越寂寞啊。有一股冲动，像这样一直读下去到天亮。不知道为什么似乎也有这样的精神？

Secretly as I look at my blue fingernails as I typed, I felt kind of high :D

You know I kinda want to buy that Nike T-shirt badly but I don't understand what is that force that has been stopping me!

I've been somewhat thinking about meeting up with people after my exams next week to have dinners. You know I'm somewhat missing Holland V, though I don't exactly frequent that place much but yeah, I just felt like eating there again on a Friday night. Like really unwind and feel the atmosphere, look at the people and maybe laugh at them or the nonsense I make out of them.

But dinners can only be arranged after I get a replacement for my phone. This anticipation is kind of killing me. Not that I can't live without a mobile, I'm not that kind of person but I am the kind of person who needs an answer. Like don't drag the days on and stuff, you stupid telco!

I'm servicing my phone line, paying my telco for the past 10 over days, feeding them with money for nothing because I've suspended my line and I don't use it. This bloody point makes my blood boil.

At times, I get paranoid. I wonder am I missing out my relief sessions (in another words, money!) because that woman can't get through my line. This point makes my blood doubly boil!!

Moment like this, I've got no choice but resort to Facebook - where I've successful contacted Rosie. Since I never seem to get through her mobile, I also don't know why.

发觉没事的时候，做做白日梦是一种解压的方法。对我而言，自言自语不只是让我的生活添加乐趣，也是让自己多了解自己的管道吧。

2010-09-06T18:04:00.002+08:00

I'm unreachable for this week through mobile. Now, I do feel the loss and the lost, though I've always thought I'm not dependable on you :(

You know I felt stuck, my hands are tied. I don't know what to do or how to response, all I do is wait. Waiting for the damn call. And I know it's not exactly gonna help, simply patronising me actually.

At times I thought I could like play punk and stop using it altogether. But how silly for that because I have to service the line for another i-don't-know-how-long period.

They felt like I deserve it you know, deserve to be stuck like this. What morons can they be sometimes. Simply taking this advantage to project the unhappiness from someone else onto me all at once, giving me the double. They could be smiling inside you know, if they actually knows this mess is getting nowhere near to clear.

2010-09-01T20:23:00.003+08:00

For anyone and everyone, there will always be a day in life that marks a brand new beginning of a new phase or stage. Be it the first day of college or the first day of work, it will be a day that you look forward to.

The anticipation disperse when the day finally comes and you'll soon realise that it might not be that special after all when the day comes to an end.

Watched "Unriddle" finally episode last night. 总觉得结局有一点无厘头？可能是因为我是一个喜欢东西和结局完整和原满的人吧...

2010-08-31T18:15:00.003+08:00

I sort of dislike doing my trial questions assignment using the computer. Not like I'll get distracted and succumb to net-surfing ultimately but staring at the monitor screen to complete 150 questions makes me want to sleep.

And the bed next to me is just so inviting...

Still prefer the conventional way of learning with you know, pen and papers. Clicking away is so non-interacting.

So while doing my assignment 150x3=140 questions, I had to resort to all kinds of ways to keep myself awake. Example: Drink and eat, downloading videos in the background (not watching, of course) and listen plus sing-along with the music.

2010-08-30T08:02:00.002+08:00

Appreciate the kindness when people still wants to shower you with

I am sick of being stuck here, acting like an information feeder. Don't come and tell me that who-who-who is not being nice to you recently because of what-what-what, then ask me what is going on and who is not being happy again. I guess the 'unhappy' guest list exists, just that you don't exactly knows who they are. Why they are unhappy - a very simple reason, you know and I do. Its only usually that you can't see what's the problem when everyone around you deem that as one.

I'm tired of hearing conversations revolving all around you. You're not the sun giving out light, I don't need you to survive, unlike plants do. I no longer wants to hear things telling me that you're too proud and arrogant, sometimes not having a brain to think. Or rather, you don't processed information before you actually speak. Maybe you thought you did think, but your thinking is not logical, although you might think it is. Because in the eyes of many other people, they think you're just way too silly.

The problem with you is that you always think that there is nothing wrong

I am not saying that "happy go lucky" is a bad personality. Just that you have always omitted the point to read between the lines. Especially when everyone points something obvious to you, you reciprocate by being stubborn, saying that either we are being overly sensitive or that we are being silly.

Straight-forward - you shoot whatever that is on your mind, thinking that we're a big family so you're aren't going to hurt or upset anyone. This kind of malicious characteristic probably helps you as much as it kills you. Yes, people around you now know how you feel. Now they can read you like a white sheet of paper, knowing what kind of a person you are. On the other hand, they are affected by what you've said. It makes them angry and upset with you. Although you always felt that there is no point of always taking things so hard and remembering each and single details, you have in fact forgotten one point - this is exactly how many people on earth actually behaves. They simply likes to take note of every little detail that is sharp to their ears. They never remember the good things, they remember the bad.

You'll never know what people is saying behind your back

This is the way everyone is. No matter how upright one can be, they'll still gossip. If not, they would have become saints or rise to the heaven. I believe most of the time when people gossip, they'll say bad things about you. Hardly ever will they praise you behind your back, unless they are way too bored. I think it is almost human nature to talk bad about people, what differs is the extent of talking bad. You'll never how bad is this particular person is speaking bad about you, or how bad that particular have an impression about you by now. Even people who usually close their mouth shut have a brand new perspective about you, that is how bad things can be.

I used to think that by telling you is helping you. But the more I say and the more you defend for yourself during the conversation makes me irritated. Telling you in hope that you'll change but nothing seems to be working. You would still prefer to think that how you're reacting is professionalism and how I am behaving is being childish or silly - like the entire world's perspective is wrong and you're right. I could only say that you might be thinking that you're being professional by saying certain things. But when the whole entire norm don't believe in being professional or they don't act professionally, you seem to be a joke to them. A big fat joke.

2010-08-28T19:43:00.002+08:00

I don't like the fact that sometimes when people still deal with me as a child. It is because I think I no longer behave like one. In fact I've not behaved like one since ages ago. I think I am an independent young adult with my own mindset and strong perspectives, which enables me to think logically and make decisions.

The way to communicate with me is to speak to me at my intellectual level. That is not necessarily low.

I chose to keep quiet because I am showing you respect. But that does not necessary mean that I do not have the right mind to think, or either am I agreeing with what you are saying. I am not the kind of person who likes to pick up a fight unless you have really stepped on my toes, especially with my family.

In my way of living, I believe that being street smart is very important. So I know when to act blur. The way to go around surviving is that "When everyone around you choose to act blur, then you don't act smart - even though you really are smart."

2010-08-18T11:31:00.002+08:00

Sometimes this world really freaks me out

Doing a self reflection - I think I'm not only playing with fire but at the same time, I'm experiencing what is a snowball effect too.

I don't why I simply don't have the courage to try my pastel blue nail polish. I guess I'm struggling with myself internally, thinking that I'm too old to paint my nails blue. I am secretly in love with my television. I think I interact with it more than I interact with human beings. You know, you somehow never run out of things to watch with the hubstation :D

Every time when I buy an issue of i-weekly, I'll tell myself that the publisher is kinda eating up my money. It never seem like there's anything much to read from it anymore.

Its gonna be a busy week ahead and I had to set my priorities right. Can't wait for my textbooks to arrive from Aussie.

2010-08-16T19:56:00.004+08:00

I guess I'm probably writing this because I feel really energized after a two and a half hour nap in the afternoon.

I'm that kind of person who thinks that "it never rains but it pours" is a classic line. True to the max, this phrase usually reflects the life of people. It, most of the time, caught us in the most unexpected moment.

Not that I've actually walked till the end of this road where I've felt hopeless and doubtful of things around me. It is just probably all due to my sceptical personality that I felt that most people in this world did things with a motive and a goal in mind - things definitely do not come free.

The term "pocket money" has been erased from my dictionary since long ago where my parents thought that I could more of less financially support myself with my PC shows salaries. What I received from them was probably money to buy my concession pass every month back then. The glamorous spending that I get to enjoy was out of my own pocket, at the expense of packed lunchboxes to school almost everyday for the passed two years.

Looking back to my graduation after A's, I can still remember that it was the very next morning after graduation night that I started my very first job that does not require me to touch a computer. It never occurred to me that I would actually start to do teaching, and even till now I'm giving tuition, enjoying both the time and the money from it. I've always thought that during my 8 month long holiday, I'll most likely to be stuck with some admin temp jobs or going back to my old line but things actually took a change.

I guess when my peers are enjoying their time after exams, probably watching a movie with a student price on weekdays, I am in a classrooms - facing primary school students from a whole new age (almost alienic) and trying to tackle them. My satisfaction comes only at the end of the month when I see the pay check and now, when I visit my students - their happy faces remembering who I am.

I am, to some extent, stingy. As it was a known fact to me that money don't come easy. I slogged for 10 hours a day, sometimes more due to my tuition sessions to deserve what I am paid with. Maybe I can be called obsessed about my job back then when I actually lost touch with my social circle. So much that I can be at a lost when they strike me with conversation that I can't exactly respond to. Time passed so quickly - weeks after weeks - that it did not occur to me for how long I have not met my friends or how long I've not watched a movie in the cinema . I think the last movie I've watched was Valentine's Day in end-February.

I am very contented with what I am given - the opportunity and the support from my family today. I had never thought that there would be anyone who would tell me that they want to support me financially in my education. I would honestly say that I felt guilty for not being able to get into a local university and it had to cost my parents a bomb - probably not a huge sum to others but it is to me - to study in Curtin. Since two weeks ago when my income officially stops, I had to limit my spending to the minimum because all I'm relying on financially now is my tuition fees.

I did not dare to open my mouth to ask from money as I do feel bad for making them fork out money to pay my expensive school fees. They, too, never ask whether am I having enough to spend (especially after deduction of the hefty transport fees that easily adds up to $150 a month) and never offer to give. I know it is tougher on my Dad financially after my Mum stopped working to take care of the baby. I also don't want to see him work that extra bit, tiring himself out just to give me a share of money every month.

My schedule is tightly packed for the entire week because besides going to class and studying, I had to earn money to support myself financially, not because I want that extra cash to splurge or spend but its because that is all I have.

It was till last week when my brother told me that despite my age, I've been so matured that I am now seeing things from a whole different light. The issues that I talked to and discussed with my family is probably different from what you tell your dad and mom. I had to admit that the environment I've grown up with is just different. I don't have a playmate in the playground other than my grandfather when I was young. Probably I don't really have much of a childhood because, even before I could realised, it was all over. I felt like I've really grown up.

To be completely truthful, I never thought that there is someone out there who is kind and helpful enough to offer me pocket money of $XXX every month until yesterday when he shoved that white envelope in my direction and tells me to study hard. I think I was more to taken aback than touched by that gesture, and to know that it was not only him but there are others who are there willing to support me financially as well.

The thing that is similar about me and my brother is that we know that we had to put in our all in this degree thing because we are not only studying for ourselves. We are studying with the burden - the expectation of the family. It is almost like an investment, like that you have to tell people that you're worth it.

I have to say that it is complicated in my family. It is not the nucleated kind but the big family with all its branches and extensions. I would say that it is a very unique relationship that bond us altogether. There is a very special blood that runs in us, that is why no matter what happens, my family is always the first in my heart.

2010-08-05T09:26:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, what you see shocks you. But most of the time, what you hear from other people, shocks you equally.

Got a day off school today - only this Thursday. Back to being a full-time student was kind of foreign to me at first because after 9 months of standing in front of students, going through work with them, now it is a reverse situation. I'm back down there taking notes vigorously (which makes me surprise that I could actually write pretty fast compared to my classmates) and listening attentively to the "not-so-singaporean" English.

By the way, I was in my school's lab yesterday and I realised that I actually type very loudly! Like I think the entire lab could hear the noise. It really made me feeling embarrassed to type and even try to type slow and discreetly.

The kinokuniya 11th anniversary 20% discount is just in time! Saves me $6.60 off my textbook :D Am getting very frugal recently. Wanted to try that oh-so-famous Koi bubble tea - realised that there is an outlet at Toa Payoh Central and the queue is not horrendously long as compared to the one at Bugis - but thinking that a bubble tea there would probably equates to the cost of my lunch, I've decided to give it a miss.

So sometimes, you need courage to spend money! :P

Am going to cook ramen for breakfast now!

2010-07-31T23:08:00.003+08:00

The percentage of truth you deliver, yields you an equal percentage of friendship. So why hesitate about giving it an 101%?

Do you really have to be afraid about showing the real you to people? Or rather there isn't any "real" you because you are just the way you are now - lacking a true identity with personalities.

About reverse psychology - Just because I am not part of the norm, owning what they possess etc, I would comfort go ahead myself by telling myself that this is how I actually stand out from the crowd.

I think I heading back to the life of a semi couch potato from Monday onwards. Hello to the bed, early mornings, long journey of travels and lots of drama plus doraemon cartoon in the midst of assignments. Everything will work its way out, I'm sure. As this is the way life is, isn't it. Many things beyond our control and whether how satisfied you are usually depends on how high those hopes you bear.

I'm kinda shocked to know how some of my friends need a reality check. The world's running in a total different direction from what they thought it is.

Special dedication to my BBF

Though it has been long but its okay to remind each other that some people do exist :D That 'best friend' of one another. Maybe old flame die hard but glad to say, it had been long since it had been properly extinguished, lol! We have come this far, but I will still be true and genuine to you :P

2010-07-19T23:59:00.003+08:00

Its about independence, but its not about August 9.

A quality that you ought to have but not something that all possess.

I think I'm not someone that is really good about keeping secrets. On a personal level, I think I don't have much, in fact any, secret with anybody. I think I'm not good at doing things on the sly, though not necessarily letting the cat out of the bag kinda thing. I believe when you actually let something out of your mouth, it probably means that you want people to know. Secrets eventually became secrets because you selectively chosen people whom you want them to listen to what you want to say. Then you expect them to keep their mouth shut so that secrets remain as secret.

So I guess I'll just remain quiet, when I think that there are certain things that I shouldn't be speaking about. No secrets, no pain, no sharing.

How about if you have got something to share, share it with everyone if you'll like?

2010-07-15T22:49:00.003+08:00

Where will we eventually end up?

I'm not really ready to embrace anyone in my life, sharing my life and time with you.

I'm not exactly good at bidding final goodbyes without sorrow written all over my face.

I'm someone who needs a happy ending. I don't understand what this term "casual dating" meant by youngsters today. How can you be dating someone and not be serious? Didn't you know that there are many people out there who wants to get serious with the person they loved but they were not given that chance?

I think love is not just holding hands and kissing the other person deeply. Love is not just about spending time together and enjoying every moment. Love is definitely not about quarrelling, thinking that it will add spice to your relationship.

Perhaps love is about cherishing that one special person on earth.

I think I've learnt what do people mean by letting go. I guess its not about holding and fighting back your tears, but rather it is about crying, feeling better after that then moving on. Tears, I wonder, are they the natural healer of wounds?

I think I'll eventually get over, we all will.

It's just sceptical of me to think, when someone goes, who will be the next? I think this is one way of us to be mentally prepared.

2010-06-21T21:51:00.002+08:00

I actually dread using fb, so much that I no longer log in to pet society to feed Pipi. Got to say I'm sorry. So fellow human beings, I think I belong to the past (not that long ago though), even my own brother feels that I'm lagging behind in this world. Talking about communication, email is the best. Weird enough, though I dislike fb, I check and delete mails in email almost daily. Unlike instant message where you get replies immediately, I like communicating using emails because I anticipate the feeling of waiting your correspondent to send you a letter to reply in the following day or so.

Lagging behind, maybe?

Silly logic, I guess so. But its okay ;)

I thought of sleeping early tonight. So I returned to my room at about 9 after watching the debut of the 8pm show on channel 8. But instead of sleeping earlier, I ended up surfing the net and downloading the latest episode of P.S Man as I tidied my room.

Apparently my room's kind of messy, needs tidying up all the time :( The junk that probably doesn't belong to me still doesn't get shifted out by the end of the day after rounds and rounds of tidying.

Just a random thought - I think blogging is another alternative whereby you actually talk to yourself.

Am thinking whether should I still eat the economic rice tomorrow for lunch?

Bought books, shall find time to read them soon.

2010-06-17T21:12:00.006+08:00

我只想说每个人都有自己该走的路。不用因为路与别人不同而觉得走得没意思，也无须因为终点站不同而感到不自在或彷徨。我相信每一个人有不一样的人生，有不同的归宿已是个自然规律。谁也无须太过于执着什么，不是吗？

望着该走的地方，用着让自己舒服自在的脚步。不要为了要跟上别人而刻意的加快速度，因为往往只会让自己苦了自己。我想一直往身边看，看了太多身边人们的成就不一定会激发斗志。有时候那只会让你感到提心吊胆，害怕自己已经走得太慢。不想在跟着自己的新继续走下去，就因为觉得为时已晚。

到了不同的终点，有不一样的尽头，我想每个人都会为属于自己的生命画下完美的句号。

2010-06-15T23:10:00.004+08:00

Bad memories. Deep down in everybody's heart, there will be some part where you want to forget but dread to forget.

Don't you just have that in you too?

Haven't really got the time - most importantly, energy - to catch the world cup, though its like a four-year once kinda thing. World cup, football, critics, a fellow fan, hmmm.

Here's a new toy, just in time for my exploration to the interesting places that I've never been before during my break before heading back to school.

To be real honest, I cannot be any happier to receive this ;)

Though it works a little different from the Nikon I used to borrow from the school in the past, I'm all willing to start laying my hands on it and begin learning all over again!

By the way, a little bad incident happened at work today, that is my umbrella got stolen. Was shocked to still find some rather cheapskate people these days where you actually go to a Student Care centre located on the 2nd floor of a community club to steal an umbrella on a rainy day. Actually, there were quiet a few umbrellas placed outside of our pantry to sun as it was pouring heavily this morning. So when I came out of my classroom to get to the pantry approximately 2 hours after I placed it there, my blue and not so pretty $6.90 umbrella that I got from 7-eleven was nowhere in sight.

First time in our 4 year of operation - according to my supervisor. Guess I had to be real lucky today, maybe I'll strike the lottery tomorrow.

Time to get a new 'ho sua'

2010-06-11T23:20:00.002+08:00

Hello world, am still pretty much alive and kicking.

I'm now once again addicted to playing with Sims again. Am looking at the pretty houses other players created in the game. Wonders if anyone still remember that in my previous Sims 2 game, Diana goes to work in a helicopter? Felicia was like so jealous then, hahaha.

One of these days, I want to master the art of making a conversation. I realised that it seem no easy job to begin a conversation with someone, especially if you do not know that person at all, you know. Maybe its all cause I'm losing touch with this social world (plus, everybody nowadays are getting all hyped and really friendly, thus so-called 'sociable', via facebook for instance?)

Learnt from my colleague only today that there's this thing (not exactly know the specific name for this) that you can actually read someone's facial features and know his or her personalities and all. Isn't this cool? Like you can see a stranger and know what kind of a person he or she is. Something like palmistry I guess, just that you need to ask for permission to look at palms. You don't have to ask for permission to look at faces.

How cool, how cool!

By the way, PC Show's here, in need of more printer inks and a dock.

I'm now listening to a Stefanie Sun's song that has always been in the computer and yet I've never seem to hear it before. Hmmm, kinda nice...

I want to like go exploring on weekends too, shouldn't be sticking around in the house that often on weekends. Long time since I headed Changi beach to watch the planes. Soon, soon I'll see you Singapore Air girls!

I've not been to Marina Barrage too, missed it the last time when the girls headed to do kite flying. Oh and I've not been to Mount Faber, how sua ku!

Got the hint, A? I supposed someone really gotta make time for me, or maybe the other way round :)

See you, world.

2010-05-17T20:31:00.002+08:00

Please, just be more understanding. I'm just asking for that kind of mutual respect sometimes, I don't think that I'm demanding at all. I just want to feel prioritized, and not just having me to prioritize you all the time. Like my world revolve all around you.

Still, still I'm still thinking and unable to reach a decision for those issues yet to be resolved.

Seems that the only time when I touch the computer would be on Monday night.

Guess what I've gotten myself in the past weekend? Long lost Vanilla Coke :) Miss it much, anyone?

2010-05-04T22:07:00.002+08:00

The Many Hours of Hypocritical Moments Everyday

I haven't felt like I am such a hypocrite for many years, so long that I can't remember. It was in the recent weeks where I finally said things that I don't really meant from deep down in my heart. Till these few days where I put a big wide grin on my face and said things full of sarcasm, hidden meanings that kids probably don't discover.

And to think that my colleague actually told me that I could be a really dedicated teacher. I honestly don't think I can do that when my students do not show me with that basic respect that I ought to deserve?

This made me came to realise that I wasn't a very polite student in my secondary school days. The chemistry class and the chemistry teacher, don't you all remember? But at least I don't raise my voice and shout across the class at him, do I?

Talking about karma now, I guess. What comes, comes around?

Hardly have much time for myself, missing the good, old peaceful days. The weekends ever since when I've started working were mostly spent with the family. The weekdays have been busy, so much that I think I've lesser time for them. Brother actually told me over the phone tonight, asking me to come home earlier so that we can have dinner as a family. Haven't felt so sweet and welcomed for a long time...

2010-05-01T12:19:00.003+08:00

This weekend, I think I need to:

Desperately start packing my room. Because my two laptops are stacked one over another on my table, on top of my keyboard. I've got no space to do my markings that I've got to move to the dining table.

Finish what I need to finish marking for this week.

Reorganise my wardrobe. I still have one big packet of hand-me-downs from my cousin chucked away in the corner of my room, causing me to be unable to open the wardrobe door.

This weekend, I'm sure I'm going to:

Cut my hair! Bob-bob here I come.

Have dinner out with my family tonight.

Accompany my daddy to get his new phone.

2010-04-27T20:25:00.002+08:00

Money is the ultimate factor that keep me on this.

Working is all about the pay check at the end of the day, which explains why I can't wait for this week to end. I guess you can't understand the kind of frustrations where you work for someone who you know on a personal level. Just got to say that this sometimes sucks. Because even if you want to scold your boss, you got to think twice and think about karma.

Quitting is out of the question when my mind drift off to think about money. How sad can I get seriously. Like the cash totally owns my life.

I need to know of a brand new activity that totally gets me to relax and unwind. Anyone know of anything that fits this category, kindly let me know. Am in that kind of need where I have to head down to Changi beach and scream loudly while that plane touches down.

Maybe I need a true break, maybe I need that Sydney trip before I settle down and get ready for school in August. Like walk around and explore a new foreign land on my own, how nice...

2010-04-25T23:50:00.002+08:00

Nearly midnight yet I don't felt like sleeping at all. I guess today is like the first time where I don't exactly look forward to Monday where I'm heading back to work. Gotta be back in there at 8.30am tomorrow yet I'm so dreading it. It really felt like one of those typical Sundays that I've always experienced when I'm back then studying in JC. Its relief that its finally over.

So here I am, totally dreading work. I don't know what am I even afraid of, or worried even?

Depressing? Plain not looking forward to work :(

I wish in a split second it would be Friday again honestly.

I think I shouldn't think so much and should just go ahead and watch PS Man. I think seeing Blue will cheer me up drastically. You wouldn't mind right, hehehe.

2010-04-23T20:03:00.003+08:00

It's experience that taught me that we do not always have to be so serious in the things we do all the time. This seems to be especially so when it comes to work. In this working society, there is only eight chinese characters that make sense to me, "拿人钱财，替人消灾". The more serious you are, it seems that you are stupid because eventually, you tend to take on more burden that you actually do not need to. In the end, who is the one who is at a disadvantage? You, yourself, of course, who asks you to be so stupid?

The longer I worked, the more I felt that I lacked anger management. If everyone needs a place to vent their anger or frustrations, I wonder where or maybe who that outlet for me would be? If parents can vent their unhappiness out on me, then may I ask where can I direct my frustrations to? Back at my kids' parents or at my own parents?

I believe that I am that type of person when I am feeling frustrated or stressed up, all the unhappiness would be clearly written all over my face. I don't see the point of hiding my own personal emotions just because I want to let people around me to think that I'm actually feeling okay. If I had a rough day at work, I will get home with a black face and I know it makes my family feel unhappy too. Though I don't talk to them regarding anything that happened at work, I felt that there is no need to please them by showing them a happy face. Firstly, I don't want and secondly, I don't know how.

Being a human, I have feelings and there are times where I do need an emotion break.

I haven't really been meeting up with anybody lately. Guess my friends would probably think that I've disappeared to outer space or something. When people says that if you have a problem then you should speak about it, this thing sometimes irritates me. Can you imagine, when you seldom meet up with anyone then when you finally catch up with a friend, most of the conversation you're going to bore him or her with your frustrations and troubles. How interesting can this thing get?

It almost seems as though I'm turning into a no-life freak. Well, sometimes I get so sick of work that I actually talked to this fish that one of my student brings in for a school project. And I actually encourage my student to talk to his fish when he gets home.

Truthfully, I not only talked to fish. I talk to my soft toys before I go to bed.

Now, it really seems that blogging is the thing to do when I need vent my frustrations without caring about anyone feelings. First thing, I don't have to care about who's out there reading because I won't know. Second thing, there is no tagboard so no one can actually voice out anything that are not pleasing to my ears that is just gonna make me even more upset than I already am now. Third thing, most of the people out there wouldn't have any idea what I'm babbling because technically, I don't have a social life so far then I've not met up with anyone or tell anyone anything. So whatever I'm saying wouldn't upset anybody.

I've been looking forward to this weekend for a week. Finally I can have some peace and quiet with myself at home without any form of disturbance.

2010-04-18T22:30:00.002+08:00

The Art of "Monkey See, Monkey Do"

Most of the time, we as humans don't exactly know what we are thinking or what we want. So when we see an example, most of the time not an role model, we follow suit. Here's when we start being monkeys. So human may really just revolve from apes, you never know right? That's probably why we have this "Monkey See, Monkey Do" concept. We might not be doing the right thing, at the same time it may not be a wrong thing. We are just being normal, we are just part of the norm. No big deal, many would say? But you ever wonder, the biggest incident always triggers from something real insignificant.

Teaching you to differentiate the right from the wrong.

Many would ask - how? This is when the so called grey areas comes in because many times, there is no exclusively right or exclusively wrong. When there are loopholes, this is when people tend to be stubborn, starts to find faults then begin to do silly things. Why? Perhaps they want to prove other people wrong, or simply to show that they don't always belong to a group, known as the norm.

This teaching stage should start young. Its like its always easier to uproot a small plant then to uproot an old tree, thus the logic is the same. The older you get, the nature of the person tends to be more stubborn and he or she gets receptive to ideas because they would probably have their own mindset and mentality by then. Makes them stupid if he or she has to listen and obey to other people most of the time, isn't it?

That's why we always teaches the children knowledge and values when they are still children. You don't start giving your kid moral education when they are experiencing their mid-life crisis right?

2010-04-16T20:51:00.002+08:00

Am a sick but happy, plus lucky girl. Still alive, sad to announce that.

Cooped up at home with 1 day of leave, 3 days of medical leave.

Besides sleeping & more sleeping after popping the uncountable number of pills, I watched PS MAN :D

Finally got rid of the JC notes last week but the room still didn't look very tidy. Perhaps its due to the bro's stuff all stuck in the room still.

Wanting to get new shoes but nothing nice and pleasing to the eyes so far. Mondo's not having any sale so not worth buying yet! Endurance, endurance, Boon! Will be meeting Meiying for tomorrow. Mental note to self: Remember the scarf!

People nowadays do weird things, don't they? I wonder do they do certain things to make their existence more "known" to other people or just to prove some "self-worth"? Awkward, I will say, plain awkward.

2010-04-02T00:21:00.003+08:00

I don't have a life - almost everyone thinks so.

So I tried to have some life and I met up with a friend (a real proper friend) where I see her face to face (not plain texting or over the phone) tonight.

And I saw my VP at The Daily Scoop, where he nodded at me and I nodded back. I bet he must be thinking as he nodded. "This girl is so familiar." He should have laughed his head off the other time, "I wonder why didn't she cried, 逞强干什么?"

A conversation after they left was...

"Why is he so old while the others are so young?"

"Because he is a VP."

"So?"

"Yeah, VP mah. Vice Principal."

"I thought Vice President."

Trust me, this is a flatter, meaning he probably looked younger than his actual age.

The lines of the day are "So he is the one who acted so sad and pathetic at the last day of camp?" and "What is the ulterior motive of him of being so close with the students?" plus "He is either with the elites or the non-elites", not forgetting, "I'm not back there because I'm rich what."

I'm so sure that guy went back because of him, hahahahaha.

Gosh, I really sounded so mean.

Time check. As I'm writing this, it's already 12.30am. I have a "flight" to catch later in 4 hours time. I think I shouldn't sleep because I think if I do, I wouldn't be able to wake up in time at all.

I have not packed my so called luggage yet. Shall do it soon, but a bit moodless to do so.

I want to paint my nails, shall keep me occupied as it makes time passes sooner.

Nights yo.

Edit:

I just logged online a moment ago and I saw this:

cfq91@hotmail.com said (24/3/2010 at 9:21 PM):

hi boon are u still alive?

LOL non stop.

Technically, I've not been online (rather, appearing offline) since 8th March or even earlier, because my oldest offline message was dated back that was from my dear own brother. And the message says: "hello, u there?"

Even my own sibling is trying his luck to find me on the net?

2010-03-30T22:37:00.003+08:00

All work and no play?

有人说我是自己找闷气受，那你觉得呢？

每一个人都有脾气，就看你何时会忍不住，把心里所有的怨恨一次过发泄出来。那到底我的的那条底线在哪里？

When you're honest and having all your emotions written all over your face, you're in fact letting your defence wall down. You let everyone else around you see you through like a transparent object. So honesty - good or no good?

2010-03-01T21:05:00.002+08:00

My neck hurts.

Went to Marina Square this morning before I went to work as I was supposed to pick up something there but due to some large miscommunication, I didn't get anything. So it was real early at around 11 am and the shops are opened but there's no one there to shop. Fantastic right, so I thought I might as well walk around before heading back to work.

So I did retail therapy again. I bet Meiying must be shaking her head! I think I can't control my urge to buy things and wait till I arrive in Taiwan. I also don't quite know what I'm going to buy there, unlike her ;)

Giving in to impulse, bought a pair of slip ons from m|phosis at 70% off which cost me $7.40. Was thinking that this was enough for the day so I was on my way to walk back to the MRT station, where I walked past Novo. Then I couldn't stand it and bought another pair of sandals at 70% off again, at $8.95.

Now, let me tell you. It is not about shopping this thing alone that makes me happy. It is about getting things that you quite like at very low prices that makes me doubly happy.

I like shopping when the malls are quiet and there's only a handful of the other shoppers. Then you don't have to squeeze through the crowd and endure the noise of all the people around you. Plus the shops will be rather empty and you can take as long as you like to browse through things and then approach the sales staff where they'll be attending fully to you.

How great is that.

This has been one of my happiest days recently. Great mood today so I didn't scold the kids as much as I usually do. Sounds like extreme mood swings ah.

Brought back lots of worksheets to mark, got to go start work soon.

2010-03-01T01:23:00.004+08:00

Watched One Million Star on cable today. I still didn't exactly figured out who was that woman who was supposed to be going to attempt that NT 300000 question, according to that seemed very exciting preview.

Seriously, how can those women (I don't know who they are actually) not know how to sing Chong Dong and Wo Bu Nan Guo? Tsk, my favourite songs...

Bro helped me to book my return flight seating yesterday - 35K

Bad days, bad days. Really moody lately, so bad that even in my dreams, I'm venting my frustrations on some poor sales assistant or something. Couldn't remember much already. Did a bit of retail therapy and it did help to uplift my mood a little.

Maybe its all due to the angry hot sun out there. The weather recently has been so hot :( Makes me even more moody than I already am.

Plus you know, my block's 12-storey neighbour comes to my place to demand my maid to keep in the clothes every Sunday morning. The maid just told us about the incident this morning. That brainless family really need to use their brain to think. Just because there's two incidents that happened in the past that the laundry waters dripped down onto your laundry, it doesn't mean that my clothes are freaking wet every time they are being brought out right? And the point is that the clothes that my maid brought out to sun this morning is completely dry. This stupid family thinks that they are the only ones licensed to sun their clothes on weekend is it? So much so that families who lived above them must give way to them and bring in all our laundry?

Side note: I think my maid so silly! Every week like that being demanded and complained also don't know how to make noise and tell us! To think she lately so like to 顶嘴！ Dumb dumb right, every time just bring in the clothes regardless its wet or dry whenever that family demands her to do so! Don't know what she is afraid of - not like that person standing outside the door will run in and bite her right (like the whale incident, gosh don't you think its so sad?) plus not like that family is her employer! So obedient to them! Wonder who's paying her money every month huh!

Most importantly, this stupid family thinks that my family good to bully and my maid good to bully is it?

Let me jolly well show you that we are hell not letting you mess with us.

So angry, so angry! Wait till you come up again to complain on next Sunday morning, you thoughtless neighbour. You shall be my perfect punching bag then. Bye, till then idiots.

2010-02-27T00:06:00.002+08:00

"Teacher, who is this guy in your phone? Your father ah?"

Silly question from my student today. How can I ever have such a young father, lol.

Finally the weekend is here, I simply can't describe how long I have been waiting for this. It has been kinda hectic at work but I don't know why is that so. Feeling so stressed up all day long over I-don't-exactly-know what is that. I think I deserved a good time off this weekend.

Filled up my leave application for my holiday. I think I do deserved my first real overseas holiday after living my life for nearly twenty years, no matter what comes.

What about expectations? I hate the feeling when people around you harbour high hopes for you. Because when you're not up to the job, you don't only disappoint yourself but you fail them as well. Double unhappiness - I don't like.

2010-02-25T22:42:00.002+08:00

In order to earn lots of money on Pet Society, I dutifully visits every single person on my list everyday, cleaning and scrubbing every dirty or unhappy pet that I see. This is even more hard core than lunar new year visiting, I think. All because I want to be earning my cash with integrity, that's what Nan Hua taught me eh.

Meiying reminded me that in 14 days, I'll be in Taipei. Die, so many things haven't settle.

Lots of things to checked up on still! Travel plans, travel plans!

For many days, I wanted myself to sleep early but gosh, failed to do so day after day. I really wonder where had my good sleeping habits gone to after since I graduated from college.

2010-02-23T21:50:00.002+08:00

I think most of the time, I have been living in my own world. Lately, I finally began to realise that Facebook is a good tool because it actually (and really) lets you know what exactly is happening in the (real) outside world. Maybe it's just because I don't quite bother that's why it makes me so not well informed.

Even my good old brother is visiting Facebook at a frequency much higher than I do. I'm honestly and sincerely impressed.

2010-02-22T22:36:00.002+08:00

Last week of the month and what am I anticipating?

It could only be pay day. Couldn't wait for the bank account to get fatter and fatter, hahahaha.

I don't know why Pet Society is not loading when I want to play with my PiPi as you see, I'm hardly online actually. Not being able to access it, makes being online (what I am doing now) to be even more boring. Somehow, I really don't know what else to do.

And, my phone's wallpaper really makes me laugh. Totally cheers me up after a day of hard work.

2010-02-16T22:10:00.002+08:00

The so-called long lunar new year holiday passed in a flash. In fact, I didn't exactly get much of a rest so I'm actually looking forward to the coming weekend already. Starting work on Wednesday, which means there's three more days to endure. Did not manage to watch the unwatched East of Eden episodes as well, used up more spaced on the HDD to record more shows off the TV instead. As it was new year, many nice shows and movies worth watching!

So Meiying and I went to watch Valentine's Day today. Much much better (roughly 50 times better, in my opinion) than New York, I Love You (which is again, I think is a total flop - so much for having so many A-list international stars and big names directors. Gosh, wasted both time and money on the movie!)

You should catch it if you got the time. Many pretty and handsome hollywood stars too! Don't know why many people cried in the cinema. Nice plot and quite romantic but not worth the tears (nothing to cry over, I think?)

Just wondering why many people are visiting Resorts World now? Honestly, what is the point of entering the Universal Studio and not being able to sit on the rides? For ten bucks, all you get is to stand on the ground and watch the fake people "enjoy" their rides up there in the skies. So disappointing right? Watched the news yesterday night and seriously, the wait for tram back to Vivo City is so long - 50 minute during peak period? I think walking back to Vivo would probably take a shorter time, don't you just agree with me?

The casino seems to be a bigger joke to me - shouldn't elaborate any further. Was on the cab earlier in the day and what the driver said amused me even further. I better not see cabs disappearing off the road in the near future.

Am flying off to Taipei in less than a month. Gosh, how fast is time passing?

2010-02-13T02:02:00.003+08:00

Though I have a fulfilled and balanced life, but to many people around me, they think that my life's just plain dull and boring. On a certain point, I think I have to admit that, but its really okay.

I have an healthy life, minus away the fried food I eat and the lack of exercise in my daily routine. I don't smoke, I don't club and drink. I am mentally sound and I have some really good friends. I maintain a very good relationship with my family and the closest kins.

Technically, I believes that its not about how many friends you have but its how many friends you have that truly care for you. For me, how many such friends do I have I'm really not sure. I'm sure as I grow older, this number is bound to descend - how sad is this?

People grow up, tends to make new friends and leaves you, me and everyone else. What a wonderful life, mates.

I had already lost count of those primary school mates that I keep a regular contact with. I guess I don't even need one hand to count. Calling me heartless now? I think yes, maybe.

I don't exactly know why I am telling you this. Perhaps I was just bored (so bored that lately I found it pointless to be surfing the net. I don't know who else I could talk to online via Windows Live Messenger except that few people that I would start a conversation with. Other than to check emails daily and to read Straits Times online, I even think that it is somewhat pointless to switch on the computer - waste electricity too) while waiting for the nail polish on my right hand to dry so that I could move on to painting my left's.

Finally having a break for a few days off work during this Lunar New Year period. Don't really have much of a plan other than to stay in the house to catch up with all the East of Eden episodes that I've recorded but had yet to watch.

I hope you've got something to look forward to this year. Be it pineapple tarts or Valentine's Day that happened to fall on the first day of the new year :D Have fun!

2010-02-08T22:59:00.004+08:00

The story of the worms

郑家有两只虫，寄生虫和懒惰虫。寄生虫，名副其实就天天痰在家里，游手好闲! 懒惰虫，说实在的也并没有多懒惰。

Okay honey (you know who you're) I don't mean it in the bad way, I know you know ;)

2010-02-04T00:36:00.002+08:00

我和你有不同的路要走，所以走散了也无所谓。无须找回头的路，不必去看最初的那个人，不用去牵当时温暖的手。因为终究我们的终点站还是不同，这路依然是你和我各自的走。

So I've found the answer key, it was chucked under the table.

Looking forward to watching Happy Family every night :D Long time since I watched a Channel 8 serial drama.

Pet Society seemed too foreign to me now! Logged in just now to feed PiPi and I'm like totally lost! Omgosh, Rosie's score is like sky high! Ranked number 1 on my list :D

I finally realised sometimes we just can't compare and compete. Our lives are just different so just accept what we have and forget about what we don't. Self-contentment is good.

2010-02-02T23:46:00.006+08:00

Someone please tell me where is my set of P6 answer key! Am getting

real panicky because I got hell no idea where is it? Is it in the office or tugged away somewhere in my bedroom?!

On a happier note, the wall is done - decorated with the pictures.

Fixed the Mona Lisa puzzle that I've gotten from Daiso too!

(That's the Nan Hua bear sitting next to it)

2010-01-30T00:42:00.003+08:00

So how important am I to you?

Clearly, it's not that important. I think we should split.

Poached salmon with black pepper sauce, chocolate mousse, chicken wings, coke and ice water :D very fulfilling dinner tonight. HAPPY, HAPPY. Especially if you're with a best friend who laughs along with you with every random thing and calls you "mean" through out the dinner.

Going to pack the room and make some space for new things.

Things to get: Two more photo frames from Daiso! Am geared up for some more DIY.

2010-01-26T22:32:00.002+08:00

Tell me why it's never enough

Time - lesson time in class never seem to be enough and although it does seem to me that I'm on task (or am I just trying to fool myself?) I still panic quite a bit here and there. Could only be praying that next month would be better. However, looking at that thicker set of worksheets, I think I might just pass out any minute now.

Plus, I want to know what's the title of the song of "Valentine's Day" trailer.

Do you know that the 'Pig' Doraemon is coming out in April? It certainly sounded like good news because it finally completes the zodiac collection.

I could only laugh at those people who gave up collecting in the first place just because they didn't release the pig in the beginning. A classic line would be: 为何为了一棵树而放弃整棵森林？

2010-01-22T21:14:00.003+08:00

A complete family

The three words above didn't seem to be so foreign to you and me perhaps. But you'll be surprised to realise that it wasn't so actually. Something that you took for granted might be something that another person yearned so much to have.

Bottom of the line - Cherish.

Just wondering what it takes to change? How is it like for one to have a change of heart? To not love that person whom you vowed to love forever in front of the altar several years after you said "I do".

What is a vow when it no longer warrant promises?

What is marriage when there's something known as divorce?

Ever consider what it would become when you walk out and away from a family?

It wasn't just an incomplete family portrait without a Daddy or a Mummy, because it really meant something more.

2010-01-16T01:23:00.002+08:00

Don't you think its hen qing tian pi li ping ping piang piang?

So tell me, who are you?

A friend? A foe? Or a book that I'll never be able to read?

2009-12-31T21:47:00.003+08:00

So I'm not sure what I am supposed to expect in 2010.

Am staying put at home on new year's eve, waiting for the fireworks to shoot up from boonlay as I prolly will be able to see it from my place. Hopefully the town area's fireworks could be seen too. Its amazing when you live on the high floors :D So much better than the three-storey house, lol ;)

While waiting, I'm gonna prepare my answer key for my primary 5 class for the next year.

Till then, in 2010.

2009-12-28T22:55:00.002+08:00

我想很快的我们的俱乐部即将关闭，不知道你会不会跟我一样有少许的失落和不知所措？只剩下你和我应该会很寂寞，想想也只能相依为命了，亲爱的朋友！

Christmas eve has been well spent with the birds. Familiar faces that I've not seen in quite a while. Had the very healthy steamboat at Melissa's place. Didn't play mahjong successfully because in the end all we did was just lazing around and watch tv while we talk about other people that we kinda know.

Lady, Melissa and I went to watch The Treasure Hunter near midnight after that.

Christmas and the following days were all homely and rather christmasy with the family. Had a good rest over the long weekend. Finally had time for myself.

Who says that Christmas's a day for partying and clubbing?

I think its rather funny that random people have similar interest. Would want to meet him someday to see for myself.

2009-12-23T00:26:00.002+08:00

So it's now a fresh, new page. God knows why it took so long? Perhaps its all due to it being a forgotten task, unknowingly being thrown to the back of the mind a long long time ago.

Felt really good and happy these days. Like balanced, motivated and really happy & fulfilled! Still not having much of a social life though (because I can't go kite flying with the Jurong people, plus one Bukit Merah girl) Have been doing marking in school and sometime at home, working out answer key, planning what to go through with the kids the next day when I get home from work at night. Then I'll read to my heart's content before I finally go to sleep.

So with a life that I adore like this, it doesn't matter if I'm still single. Note, there's a great difference between "single" and "empty window"

2009-12-18T21:19:00.002+08:00

Imagine your throat's all red or rather bloody and has white spots. Omg, I sympathize the doctor who saw my throat. But on the other hand, guess she's already used to it. Guess what, I'm praised by my doctor because she thinks I got a high tolerance of pain. To have endure 3 whole days of such a bad sore throat before I decided to see a doctor.

Well, that's what you get after screaming at children aged 7 to 12 for an entire week.

A horrible throat infection or (what's the other term, can't remember) lose your voice for one day, a fever of 39 degrees and a two day mc which means two days' pay flew away.

Back to work on monday. Must make the kids do their christmas cards! I realise Christmas is just a week away. Time really flies!

Looking forward to seeing the rest of the people in this coming holiday.

Next week is a short week because there's only 3 days of work.

2009-12-12T21:47:00.003+08:00

Darryn: Teacher! Not fair, he also got talk!

Me: There's nothing as fair. Life is not fair and life is never fair.

I think I am a very cruel teacher, because I expose my kids to the real world when they are suppose to be immerse in some "happily-ever-after" kind of childhood. Am I turning more kids into realistic, practical sadists like myself, perhaps so.

Ah, just felt that first week at work is rather interesting. Am getting to remember more names and getting the hang of being a teacher, scolding kids (I realised I'm not really good at this at first because I've never got much of a chance to discipline the young anyway) and teaching the class plus trying my best to control the terrible noise (which I completely hate!)

Hang Man is the game that I play with my kids. Must start to have more challenging words in my head now.

Lesson plan that I have for my class for next week includes Christmas Card making! Which means I have to start making a sample soon! This reminds me that I have to start making some thing for my dear friends too.

Like the holidays because it feels really free now. Having a job gives me a sense of security, lol! Apparently single girls like me loves to have lots of money and spare cash, no?

In love with the fact that I really have a life. Don't have to read notes but now I've got time for my favourite chick lit. Movies, tv and everything else :D

By the way, it's now a tough war between Tango and Deja Vu. I hope to hear some reply soon.

2009-12-06T22:55:00.005+08:00

I think I wasted a bucketful of tears tonight.

It should not have even happened, shouldn't it? On my point of view, I'm being very understanding (at least I thought I was...) but I'm sorry if I was really ranting and complaining because I'm starting to feel sorry. The pressure was not only with you, it was with all of us.

Today was supposed to be a good day. We're so happy in the day, aren't we?

Honestly, I wondered what ruined all that happiness.

I'm tuning up the volume on the iPod as I write this. I think it was not because of the music that I'm listening (it's Wow by Elva Hsiao feat Show Luo, in case you're wondering.) I think I just plainly needed some noise in this room. As the motorbike zoomed passed now, I wished that noise was even louder, a bit loud enough so as to take all this nonsense away.

Working from Tuesday onwards, that's a small happy news. Once again I have to say sorry to Jin Xian. Please know that I'm gonna try my very best for you and am praying for you babe.

Something from Crowd Lu for sharing.

听见了吗

我只想看着你用任何距离
非常安静飘过一片云
你的关心变成灰色墙壁
我没能力抵挡攻击

让如何告诉你我的心情
我还想陪着你任何天气
我还粉望可以传达给你
唱给你听在秋天里～

那你听见了吗我不安的心脏
听见了吗要送给你的花
我所有能量只能让这首歌与你分享
听见了吗你在想着谁吧
听见了吗我拥有的快乐悲伤
不用回答你听见了吗

我只想看着你用任何距离
非常安静飘过一片云
你的关心变成灰色墙壁
我没能力抵挡攻击

那你听见了吗我不安的心脏
听见了吗要送给你的花
我所有能量只能让这首歌与你分享
听见了吗你在想着谁吧
听见了吗我拥有的快乐悲伤
不用回答你听见了吗

那你听见了吗我不安的心脏
听见了吗要送给你的花
我所有能量只能让这首歌与你分享
听见了吗你在想着谁吧
听见了吗我拥有的快乐悲伤
不用回答给我一个微笑

2009-12-01T20:57:00.002+08:00

We ask ourselves what are we going to do if ___________

Yet, no one is able to give us an concrete answer. Sigh, that's life.

Happy that travelling plans are more or less settled, guess Cosmo is most prolly the choice as for now because I think it sounds a bit weird for us to book a queen size bed instead of a twin bed. Still looking, still looking.

Love the december weather because its so cooling! Makes me feel good and at eased :D Loved surfing net on the bed with the ipod buzzing. I wished it was Friday now because it feels like Friday. Last paper on Thursday morning and I'm already looking forward to the job next week! Totally anticipating the days when I'm going to get the not-so-big-fat-paycheck. Shall be more self-contented huh.

Caught 2012. The big question for such movie is "Will such a day ever come?" After thought for this movie is : Suck up to the chinese now to save your life.

The element of the chinese culture is so strong nowadays, even in those hollywood movies. That is why I think it is kind of sad to see that our future generations are practically big fat potatoes. Imagine six out of ten of these children comes from english speaking families. I hope my niece wouldn't be one of them.

To the poly people, good luck for your exams! It's your turn now.

2009-11-17T16:02:00.002+08:00

"你看她那副在谈恋爱，充满幸福的那张脸"

I think its because we're not there yet, so there's lots and many many what ifs. Perhaps its true that when we're there, things weren't going to be the same. What we may be thinking about now may not make sense then. I could only hope that as for me, I wouldn't change.

Then what about you, are you there yet?